Thanks Sage, KAW, and SBH. You guys are cool!

Quoting Sage:
I'm wondering if you would go into the future or the past? Just curious!
It would be to change the past, Sage. Just a fantasy... Hindsight is 20/20 right?

So, I've been trying to decipher what's been going on in my head lately? So, here's the progress of my sitch:
1) Jethro DBs ass off to get W back.
2) W comes back, admits A, then wants to stay M.
3) Within a couple of months, W becomes EXTREMELY giving to our R.
4) Few weeks later, W backs off on giving (but some remains).
5) W continues to make positive changes for herself...reading, meditating, doing stuff around the house, being more involved with the kids, etc., but remains "backed off" to me.
6) Jethro not liking this "back off" tells W.
7) W says she doesn't know what to do...feels every one of her actions is analyzed and evaluated...

So, my conclusion? Well, I've come to a few realizations.

1) I still think that my W isn't convinced she loves me. I rarely hear her say it (perhaps three times since "coming home"), and she used to daily...before all of this WAW stuff. This suggests that I'm still walking a fine line, so to speak.
2) When our Ses first come around after having an A, I think many of them are remorseful and will go the extra step in proving their love...especially when they get exposed to the same reading material we've read. Over time, however, I believe this fades (or it has in my sitch) because they get on a more even keel, and don't feel as compelled to REALLY go the extra mile. (Right Sage?)
3) I find that I EXPECT my W to go the extra mile because I have. I have for many years in our M, and I REALLY have for almost two years while things have been in the toilet. Should I expect this? Well, that's the big question, is it not? I suppose that, at first, I shouldn't, but as time goes on, my expections of what a healthy R is for two people grows.

The answer to all of this crap? I guess just keep DBing and show my love to my W through her "love language." I'm hoping that, over time, she will come around even more...that the improvements she's making for herself will yield something more for me.

So now I have to dig down deep, yet again, and pull out the reserves of patience. I need to act "as if." I need to remain relaxed and unaffected by her inconsiderate actions, yet continue to acknowledge those things that she does right, and does for me.

I still want something more, guys. Will I ever get it?

jethro