Can definitely relate with what you seem to be facing right now. I've been all over the map over the last few weeks. Had a heck of a time discerning the root cause -- me, him, both, just to be expected stuff, whatever? Guess I slipped out of DB mode a bit -- looking for reasons instead of solutions -- hmmm, that's actually good for me to remember for next time! (yah, this is a stream of consciousness post I guess!)
Anyway, for me, I decided that "it's all of the above" -- some of it was just my bad/sad/mad attitude -- trying to address that through "what works" -- exercise, meditation, a bout of screaming my head off in my car last night, etc. Some of it is h -- have no explanation but he's being wonderful today and for better or worse, my PMA is higher -- not just cause of what I'm doing. And some of it is just the crappiness that is this stuff -- I reminded myself this morning (with the help of my good friends here) that what I am facing positively blows. and I'm doing ok. And I can expect to feel like absolute crap sometimes. and that's ok. Maybe something in there for you?
I can't remember if I've posted this before but I also think that my early DB'ing was SO much about h that I forced myself to ignore my needs, my feelings. Whenever I'd wonder if I was "getting what I needed", I'd push it away. post-crisis mode it seems harder to do -- tho' I did decide yesterday that I may need to focus on his needs more in the short term to get us back on a more positive footing. occasionally difficult to NOT feel sorry for myself in the process.
Quoting jethro: I wish I had a time machine...
I'm wondering if you would go into the future or the past? Just curious!
Quote: My W and I had an R talk last night where I mentioned many of the things I mentioned in my last post. Naturally, she was disappointed. The way she sees it is that she's doing things for me and that she feels like she is always being analyzed. She just "wants to be"--her words. I can understand that. I suppose I'd feel the same way.
I've heard something similar from my h. -- more that he feels my "expectation" as opposed to analysis. He's actually kind of right -- even I can see that for us, things don't work "as well" when I'm in "watching" mode.
Not sure I'm offering up anything here -- just some support and an "yah, I can relate".
Can you recall the types of things that might have pulled you out of a "piecing funk" in the past?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
