Should I bring home the flowers?

[Dr.mom]

This is a touchy one, only you can really evaluate the question you pose and what it means to you. As a good friend told me "There are no rules".

I started to poke my head out of my "cave" and date after 6 months of separation. And only after I felt like I had exhausted every possible resource at winning my husband back. Looking back it seems like I "stood" for a very short period of time, compared to many on this site. But H made absolutely no mention of reconciliation since he left, and has been 100% adamant about wanting out. No doubt there. After 6 months I also realized there was very little hope.

I decided to date for a few reasons. I had exhausted all resources, except for the "jealousy" card. Not like I was going to flaunt dating in his face, but I figured, if fate has it's way, it might get back to him, and then we'd see what response it would generate. Did not do a darn thing. Then again, I don't know whether he ever found out or not.

I dated mainly "for me". For validation that I was still desired by men, that I "still had it". Dating just felt weird. I mean, I enjoyed the men, they were really nice and the dates were fun. But I was worried I might be a little co-dependent. That I could no longer stand being alone. I was afraid that if I could not have my husband to fixate on, then I would re-direct my energies elsewhere, on other guys.

That made me feel like I did not meet my goals "working on me".

Back into the cave I went. I did not need to find a replacement for my energies. Went back to concentrating on work, etc. etc.
Oh, by the way, no kids here, so that is not an issue. Dating also served as a distraction. I was bored, was tired of bugging my friends all the time. Tired of spending every weekend alone in the house. Just really wanted to get dressed up to go out for dinner and a drink.

Finally, met a guy I really liked. I am honest about the situation with H, and he has actually been a very good person to talk to about it. I have learned a lot from him.

The biggest thing I have learned is there ARE quality people out there. And the right one will appear, in time. I have been wasting my time on a damaged human being. Not worth it. I won't waste one minute more of my time trying to prove I am worthy of his love.

Date if you are ready. Date if you are DONE with your marriage. I am not pushing for the divorce. I feel it is inevitable. I am just taking advantage of opportunities that present themselves to me as they come. I consider it GAL, because I have no choice in the matter. There is no marriage to work on anymore. Husband is done and gone. Just paperwork to deal with now.

Dating has helped me examine myself in this whole process. What I want out of life. What I will no longer compromise on in life. It has helped me learn that life WILL go on, and happiness can be found. I am not really ready to go looking for that, but it comforts me to know that is it out there. When I am ready to love, there will be a guy out there to return that love 10-fold.

Helps me face the upcoming divorce. Actually, night give me something to look forward too. Being truly single might not be all bad . .