things take time and you know this...what I have come to realize is that when I'm quiet and stop listening for what I want to hear...I hear so much more than I thought was being said...yes there is room to grow...but when I listen closely I hear things. perhaps you are waiting for what it is you want and not listening to what w is saying?? (I don't mean direct words either)
Quote: To be told I'm loved frequently (doesn't even have to be once/day).
I understand this one all to well..h tells son every day and night that he loves him...but I don't hear the words..it bothers me...but thing is if I make mention of it now..I am reminded by h that (before all this) I used to complain that the words seemed to have become a closure to every conversation and lost their umph...so h started to use them sparingly...now that I want to hear the words again with frequency they are not comming...does it really matter?? I dunno...they are after all just words...
Quote: 2) To be rubbed affectionately (behave, LL).
boy have I made an immage of myself here!! ha ha ha... I think I've made it blatantly clear to everyone who reads my threads that I understand this feeling as well...what I have noticed is that when I am not looking for it...when I allow myself to loosen up...get rid of the tension of wanting to be wanted...it is easier for h to be affectionate...doesn't always mean sex but affection. I also try to read h when he is speaking his languages to me..that doesn't make my language go away but it does help to know that h is showing love even if not in my way...and the more I show him his lang..the more tempted he is to speak mine.
Quote: 3) To look forward to seeing me when I come home or act enthusiastic when spoken with.
this was something that I always had a hard time with even before the big mess...something I realized is that if I'm upbeat or at least pretending to be (wich I did today when I answered h's call) h seems more chipper (I can't believe I used that word) and talks longer as if he really wants to talk to me.
also that despite the fact that I think h could care less about spending time with me...he does look forward to it...he just doesn't always say so...sometimes ya just have to wait til christmas to get your presents (more of that patience crap)
Quote: I'm tired of this R that doesn't seem to want to really move anywhere.
hmmmm??? it's seems we come to this point so many times during piecing...things progress...then plateau...we get irritated thinking thats the summit but we want more...failing to realize that perhaps our traveling companion is simply getting themselves acclimated to the new climate before continuing the journey. (wow LL's gettin all analytical again)
Quote: She went on to ask what she could do. WTF? How many times do I have to tell her what makes me tick. She knows. She's known for years. She just chooses not to do anything about it. I didn't tell her when she asked. I just said, "you know what I want."
ahem!!!
w I understand that when we visit others you'd like to spend time with them also...however it would make me feel good about us if you could sit next to me.
Quote: Or, let's take it a step further. If she really wanted to be with me, then she WOULD do these things automatically because she wants to...not because she feels she has to.
ok jethro that's a load of crap and you and I both know it...she would not automatically do those things you want because they are obviosly not automatic to her...think about it...when you are trying to show w love in "her" love language...is it automatic?? or are you considering her needs...and then making yourself do it..sometimes you do it freely and other times you have to force yourself too?
Quote: It's like she's come around enough to where our R was when she began going WAW on me, but she won't take it further. Maybe she's not capable?!?!. I want something better.
she's capable...you're capable...it's just going to take time and more of that patience crap...
