So, I'm confused and really don't know what to do. Yeah, my W is back, but I'm not satisfied. Yes, she's trying, but she's not trying hard enough. I somehow have this feeling that I will NEVER get what I want from an R. I mean, let's face it, there's reality and there's non-reality. I think the things I want are realistic: 1) To be told I'm loved frequently (doesn't even have to be once/day). 2) To be rubbed affectionately (behave, LL). 3) To look forward to seeing me when I come home or act enthusiastic when spoken with.
I'm just tired of this whole damn thing. I tell my W what would make me feel good, better, whatever, and it seems she makes half-hearted attempts, if attempted at all. There's no conviction...just same 'ol same 'ol, and that's not what I'm about anymore. I'm tired of being patient. I'm tired of being understanding. I'm tired of this R that doesn't seem to want to really move anywhere.
The other night my W and I went out to dinner with family. I went inside first and she came a few minutes later. Did she sit next to me? No. I mentioned this to her in the car on the way home...that it's not that this one little event is bothersome, it's the collection of these little events that gets to me. I told her that it would be nice if she acted like she wanted to sit next to me sometimes. You know, show me she wants to be with me in those little ways. She claimed that she understood what I meant. Whatever... She went on to ask what she could do. WTF? How many times do I have to tell her what makes me tick. She knows. She's known for years. She just chooses not to do anything about it. I didn't tell her when she asked. I just said, "you know what I want."
Or, let's take it a step further. If she really wanted to be with me, then she WOULD do these things automatically because she wants to...not because she feels she has to.
As a result of this lack of attention, I feel totally unattractive and uninteresting to her. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Errr!!!
It's like she's come around enough to where our R was when she began going WAW on me, but she won't take it further. Maybe she's not capable?!?!. I want something better.
