Bluepoet is back...

[BluePoet]

Hi! and thanks for the reply!

Perhaps it was too soon to start a new R? I would say, give yourself another year of growing dependent on yourself first, before finding a new man (or even renewing a R with your XH, if he comes back into your life). It is nice to have a man's shoulder to lean on, but this is where we women give over our personal power, expecting the men in our lives to solve our problems, or make us feel better.

Actually I was lucky, because with ex-bf I really didn't have him solve my problems - often it was the other way around. Plus I moved into my own place and took care of a lot of things by myself. But you're right, it may have been too soon. I really didn't wise up to the fact that a person who's been single a LONG time knows to put their best foot forward for a while, until you've been around long enough they feel secure. That's the only way I can really explain it. I was quite taken by the man he purported to be, and when it turned out he wasn't, I went overboard trying to save the relationship.

I'm doing much better now. A really nice guy I met advised me to avoid getting serious for a while (if I can - obviously we're only human sometimes) and meeting as many people as possible so as not to get hooked on any one person too soon. That and spread out the "getting to know you" part as long as possible.

So that's what I've been doing. I got into the local singles group (see meetup.com) and have been hanging with them several times. I also changed my profile on dating sites to show that I am looking for dates - short term, long term and *eventual* LTR. (Not interested in casual sex) and etc. I've been lucky enough to meet several rather interesting gentleman and have corresponded and talked on phone calls with several more.

Really the hardest part was learning to sleep alone again. But in talking with several people (both male and female) who are also going through recent break-ups, I'm beginning to realize that though I may be alone in my bed, I'm not alone in the world. Lots of us are struggling.

My ex-h and I talk as friends now mostly when we're going over other business. He is living with OW and paying rent to her - I suggested he might (since the house won't sell) turn things around and move back into the house and have her pay him some rent. I think that if she's really that into him that she would want to ease his rough financial situation where she could. He still has to support me, but I'm being sympathetic and as cooperative as I can be about it.

I'm beginning to see it this way. I have the chance to find a much better relationship than I had with my ex-h. If it turns out I don't find one, chances are he won't find anyone else either (I doubt if it would work with her) and maybe someday ten years down the road we'll have both grown. (I wouldn't want him back if he hadn't.)

I sort of feel sorry for them. Even if their relationship works out, can you imagine having to explain to people how they met and that he was already married when they got together? That doesn't make for a beautiful "falling in love story". Not nearly as sweet as the one we had, anyway.

Meanwhile I have a great chance of someday being with someone a whole lot better than either ex-h or ex-bf. I just keep working at improving myself.

It's been weird lately. Furnace is broken and is getting fixed, I recently had plumbing problems, and money is really tight. But hey, I'm fed and warm (space heater) and can pay my mortgage, so I'm alright!