Now I've done it... again

[nephartiti]

Well, the account is empty. I have transfereed funds to cover the bills I know are coming. Maybe I'm just enabling him.

I think, however, that he has possibly gotten his own place. He purchased groceries for the first time since he left, $100.00 worth. Although I would have preferred him to come home, I'd rather him be in his own place instead of hers. Of course it is speculation, but it would explain the huge withdrawals in the last 2 days. I'm trying not to draw conclusions as it almost always gets me in trouble. Have to stop that.

I have learned 2 very valuable lessons in the last two days.

1. One must be careful about jumping to conclusions, especially if one is prone to over-reacting, which I am.

2. One should not allow themselves to be pushed to do something they do not want to do.

I filed a petition for legal separation today, and I feel horrible because this is NOT what I want. There has to be another way to feel safe in regards to my kids and money. Maybe my fears in this area are unfounded. I have my share of money in my account. The weekend with S2 was strange, but, as far as I can tell, H didn't take S2 to OW's place, he did bring S2 home, and he was safe. So why do I still feel so threatened?

Crying now. S2 brought me an ice pack b/c he thinks I have an ouchie. How cute is that?

Just feeling hopeless and sorry for myself today. I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back.

Hope everyone else is doing better.