Ugh. Suffering from a bad cold. However, loving the fall weather, the autumnal activities and feeling less weight on my chest (and heart) than I have these last 2 autumns.
H texted messaged me yesterday morning. He's busy finishing up with the sale of our home. After Thurs. it's gone. I know I will cry that day, a little bit. Just another piece breaking off of my former life. Today, an email from H, touching base with me, asking about puppy, and asking me how I am doing. I replied back in a general format. I think we're friends at this point. I think.
Meanwhile, it's autumn season and my favorite. I bought several lovely fall scented candles and I burn them in the evenings at home. They make my place smell so yummy and seasonal! I bought puppy & kitty a pumpkin; yes, they get their very own. I will carve it for them next month (I know I am ridiculous). I have a trip planned to go apple picking next weekend. I'm helping my 7 yr. old niece make her Halloween costume. My next class got canceled but I'm not letting it get me down; I'll just wait till Jan. and sign up again. It puts me off a little in finishing the certification I am obtaining but I cannot let it bother me (a lesson I learned in all of this). I'll use the extra time to read more and spend doing good things; positive things.
I didn't cause this. I am not to blame. I don't have any guilt or burden that I did something wrong to make my H spin out of control. It was beyond MY control. It happened, and it hurt, and everything changed. But I'm still here, my family loves me, and I think (correct me if I am wrong) that my H might even still love me...a little bit. He just keeps his distance because his guilt runs his heart these days. And that is not my fault, either.
Thank you, God, for helping me with all of this. And thanks to my friends here for all of their support.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
