Quoting Lis:jethro, my h just said last night he hates thinking about what he did, but even though he doesn't talk about it or bring it up, he always "knows" what he did. there is no getting away from it. i bet your w feels the same. hard to be loving to your s when you don't feel very loving towards yourself. don't give up yet. it certainly isn't fair but give her more time.
Well, this certainly makes sense; however, I kind of feel like I reached a threshold of tolerance. I've tolerated a bad R for a long time, then an even worse R while she was having an A. I don't feel as harsh as I might sound on my post, but I just feel as though my patience is running thin. I'm kind of fed up with having to bear the burden of this R for so long. I do very much appreciate you coming by. I suppose I just have to reach down even deeper to yank out more patience...
Quoting KAW:The ironic thing here Jethro, is in order to develop this new R, you will still need to continue invest the same amount of effort, if not more, and time as you have been up to now. How many women would you have to meet before finding the one that returns affection the way you are searching for and how long would that take. Do you say, I give you three months of dates before I move on?... The point I'm making here, Jethro, is Dbing your W or dating for a new prospect, it all takes effort and time ... no getting around that. At least, you know with your W, you had what you are seaching for once, it can be achieved again. With dating, its purely an unkown. At least this is the conclusion I came to.
KAW, funny enough, but this is pretty much my W's reason for us staying together whenever I have brought up my hesitation.
Quoting KAW:So try to hang in there for now Jethro. Like the typography of the world, your R is not flat. You may be transversing the plateau or the Great Plains or the open seas, but eventually the landscape will change. Even though, it may not be happen at the rate you desire, your W is going though some personal growth of her own. Lisa is right in that she has to work out coming to terms with what she did, but as your navigator she is telling you, you're heading in the right direction.
As usual, so eloquently said, KAW. Yeah, I'll hang for now. What choice do I have really...if not for me, then my children?
Quoting SBH:Can I say what you always tell me? These things take time. Be patient.
I know...I know... 2x4 please?
Quoting KAW:Jethro, the next time you want to "ask for what you want", don't directly ask for it. Don't phrase as it as an expectation - "if would be nice if you did A or B", but rather as an outcome of a choice she can make - "if I received A or B, this is how I would feel" and the choice is totally up to her.
I appreciate the suggestion, KAW, but I'm not sure that this would work with her. I'll give it a try just to see if it works, however.
Yo Utterly...thanks for coming by... I really like your tag-line.
Nothing new to report right now. Just typical day-to-day stuff, which many of us on the BB long for. I've been feeling a bit more level-headed the past couple of days and my PMA is back up a bit...which is good. In my situation I think it's paramount that I remain totally relaxed (and act as-if) around my W, as she tends to internalize everything...oftentimes without saying anything about it.
