jethro, you are an incedible person. you deserve to be loved passionately in every aspect of the word. your w is still coming to terms with what she did. it is still early in the process for you. i felt angry for about 3 months straight and was not always pleasant. i still get angry feelings. i still get sad feelings. i still feel doubts about if h is what i really want.
but now i have learned that feelings pass and i don't have to act on them. in fact, i can act opposite to how i am feeling on occassion if it is appropriate to do so. things seem to turn around when i do. i took your advice and started "coasting". i also took my own advice(finally) and began acting positively. i had been stuck for a while in sadness. i couldn't shake it and even thought about going back on antidepressants. prayer helped, but i found even my prayers felt sad.i had to start focusing on the here and now. i have to keep pushing the past back where it belongs.
jethro, my h just said last night he hates thinking about what he did, but even though he doesn't talk about it or bring it up, he always "knows" what he did. there is no getting away from it. i bet your w feels the same. hard to be loving to your s when you don't feel very loving towards yourself. don't give up yet. it certainly isn't fair but give her more time. all that you are dreamimg for could be so close in the future. it can take 2-5 years to heal from an A. i am at 13 mo. and counting. i didn't do too much healing right after h walked out as i was too busy trying to take care of a baby and survive, so i don't count those 4 mo. plus i didn't know the whole truth right away.
give yourself a break, ok? whatever you are feeling is completely normal. and we finally got Spring here!
