Quoting Sage:but what happens when you tell your wife that this R isn't one that you want long term? In other words, it sounds from W's response to you (we need to work past this, etc) that she is committed to staying IN the M. What's her response to the idea that being committed isn't enough? That there's work to be done to bring it to the level that's satisfactory for you, too?
I haven't REALLY been very clear about my eventual expectations because I don't want to come on too strong, and I don't want to "force" the issue. That being said, I've said, "W, it would be nice if you did A or B," then her response in defense is to say, "Well, jethro, I've done C, D, and E." And you know, Sage, she's right. But, rather than just listen, she can be a little defensive because she thinks I only see what she doesn't do rather than what she does do. I know she feels this way and try to acknowledge her efforts.
Quoting Sage:Because I'm wondering if the same techniques can't be applied in your M. to get you both over this plateau.
This is the question of the hour, really. I'm not sure that we'll ever get over that plateau...that's what I'm concerned about. Yes, I believe she's committed to our M...now. Yes, she is trying here and there. However, I know what I want is not unreasonable and I'm not getting it. However, to ask puts more pressure on her when she already is trying, and I don't really want to do that. It's more like she's resigned herself to be in our M rather than really wants to be married.
Quoting SB:I, too, sometimes feel myself pining for an R in which I am really WANTED, desired, etc. Are we asking for too much too soon? Probably, but the feelings are there, none-the-less.
Perhaps I'm trying to rush things a little too much and am impatient. I don't know... I just want a decent R here.
