Vacillations of a WAW Come Home III

[sage]

She kept saying, "We have to move past this. We're on the right path." Blah...blah...blah... Thing is, this R is not what I want. I want her to love me, damn it, and act like she loves me. Yes, she is doing more for me these days, and for that I'm thankful. Problem is, there's little conviction in what she does (except for that one week a few weeks ago that was amazing). It's a little better than her just going through the motions, but it's not where it needs to be. It's not where it needs to be for me. I'm getting impatient and not sure how long I want to drag this out.

So, why is this? Why am I feeling this way? Is it unreasonable? Am I being too impatient? My thoughts are gravitating to what it would be like to have a real R with someone who really seems to like me. Hell, I'm not a bad catch--I'm fit/athletic, not bad looking, a good dad, play guitar, woodwork, cook, have a decent job that pays well, do stuff around the house...

You know, I think it would be nice to just be loved. I'm not asking for falling on the knees love, for crying out loud, just something with conviction. I have wanted this for many years and my faithfulness gets paid by her unfaithfulness. Hell, when it comes down to it, I should have been the WA!

jethro --

Sorry if I've missed the crux of this in your past posts...but what happens when you tell your wife that this R isn't one that you want long term? In other words, it sounds from W's response to you (we need to work past this, etc) that she is committed to staying IN the M. What's her response to the idea that being committed isn't enough? That there's work to be done to bring it to the level that's satisfactory for you, too?

I'll probably post this on my own thread but I know for myself that I've been stymied by the act of "DB'ing" to make things "better" as opposed to "DB'ing" to keep the WA from going -- in other words, I did OK getting out of crisis mode (tho' I actually feel back in it, but that's a different story) but not so great about maintaining progress using DB'ing. Why am I waxing on about this? Because I'm wondering if the same techniques can't be applied in your M. to get you both over this plateau.

Sage