why don't I listen to my own stories?

[NikB]

I am second guessing my decision to see my H. He goes in waves of obviously being happy to be with me, to being more like the "old" him that is just going thru the motions. Why would he come home if he gets to be have both worlds? Worse, what if he only comes home because he hates living in an apartment.

This is why mine says he came home... hated where he was living.

If he does go this direction, MAKE SURE you know his intentions before he comes home, if he wants to. In fact I'd recommend some MC sessions first with someone who can make sure of his real motivations (and if he won't go, no moving home). Maybe make that, or Retrovaille (sp?), or something like that part of the agreement.

But remember you're not there yet.. don't start expecting, pressuring, etc. or you'll push him away more.

My client/friend invited me/us to go to China this coming spring and when I told him about it, he was very ho hum. non-committal. (Goes along with him not knowing how he is going to feel.)

This is an incredible amount of pressure to put on him. At most I would have mentioned the invite and how excited you were - NOT invite him to go. If he asked if he was invited you could have said yes, if not, just be excited to go yourself.

I have been talking about Costa Rica for YEARS. I haven't gone on a real vacation (more than 3 or 4 days) for YEARS. His parents are talking about taking a trip over Christmas to Costa Rica and had invited us to go along. (Knowing that we were selling our first house and would have proceeds from the sale.)(Of course, I was only invited originally because I'm his wife. Now that he moved out, I am not invited anymore.) The tour company sent us a brochure and we were looking thru it and I told him that I will be REALLY upset if he goes without me because that is something I wanted to experience WITH him and I have talked about it for so long. He did not seem upset or annoyed that I was saying this, so I sure hope he takes it to heart.

More pressure, more expectations.

I KNOW how hard this is but you really need to back off. If you don't give him enough space he will either come back for the wrong reasons and resent you, or he'll take the space he needs by making himself dislike you, push you away.

If he's truly separated from you, he doesn't have to plan his trips around your feelings or wishes. If you are D'd, he can go wherever he wants regardless of your feelings on it (if he even bothers to tell you). I guess I'm saying... don't make him D you to get the space that he needs.

((Agent99))

This is hard, I know.