Hey Jim, KAW, and Sue. Thanks for coming by. I'm feeling a bit more mellow now, thank goodness. I'm just tired of all this stuff. It's been going on for a long time...well a year and a half seems like a long time to me.
Quoting Jim:A lot of people around here say not to get caught up in our Ses moods. Seems like perhaps that's what you're doing.
You summed it up ever so nicely, Jim. That's exactly what it is. Thing is, I've been dealing with these moods for a while now and I'm just tired of the whole mess...
Quoting KAW:Speaking of continuing the DBing process and how it relates to the underlying theme here, is each partner has to remember it is first and foremost to be reponsible for our own PMA and not rely on our partner to maintain our PMA.
KAW, it's less me feeling as though my PMA is her responsibility as it is having to deal with the mood swings. I feel like I'm on guard all of the time.
Quoting KAW:Take your mind of W for a while. Its OK not to have her on your mind 24/7. At this point, we tend to feel guilty, if we aren't constantly thinking about M or worry that we are falling back to old patterns and this wears on us and we become so tired, but it not healthy for us, them or our M to constantly concentrate on them. We need to find the balance between doing for us and doing for them.
The both of you are soley responsible for your own PMA's and when you can bring that to the party (M), then a good time can be had by all.
This really is the most important thing, KAW. I just have to back off a bit and enjoy those things for myself. You know, it's easier when one's W is a WA because you don't have to be worried about making sure you spend time with them in a meaningful manner because they don't even want to. We can pretty much do what we want. It becomes the biggest challenge when trying to put it all together again. It's all about balance, huh?
Sue, you're right...need to go with the flow a bit more rather than making things seem more "forced."
So, I talked with my W last night a little more about how I was feeling. She was pretty good, but I do think her interpretations are skewed by her own projected feelings/insecurities, so it required me to clarify a few things. Most pointed thing she said last night was that she always felt like she held my heart in her hand (her words). I had her clarify her statement because it's one of those with hidden meaning. She basically said that she has always felt responsible for my happiness. My response was that as my W, she is responsible for certain things, but my happiness is something I'm responsible for. She was cool with that.
Also, she told me she felt like I never wanted her going out or over to her friends and such. Well, you guys know I don't care for this (primarily the bar thing) but I'm basing my feelings on past indescretions and not the current nature of our R. I told her that every time she asked, even though it was perfectly legitimate to ask to go out, I got a "twinge," as I'm reminded of the painful past. Her response was that my twinges make her feel like I'm tugging at her. I said (a bit forcefully), "Tough sh!t. You were the one that had an A and you were the one that tried to get out of this house as often as possible and not be around. You made that bed and you'll have to deal with the consequences...one of which is that I feel that way when you ask to bail." I refuse to feel guilty about something like that. However, I made sure to let her know that although I have that "twinge" it doesn't mean I have a problem with her hanging out with her friends.
So, that was that. I overreacted a bit yesterday, but it has been building for the last week. She seemed a bit more present last night and we ended up having a good evening (after got back from going out a bit).
Thanks for everyone's support. Again, you guys rock!
