H, you are doing great. Don't wreck your efforts by focusing on whether she contacted the jerk or not.
What is your motive for wanting to know? Just to see whether or not she was in contact with him or to see if she is lying to you about. IMHO it just doesn't matter.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
I have to agree. Stop agonizing over this OM sitch. Your just going to drive yourself nuts. Do you have a jt cell bill? If so just rip on the payment tab and toss the rest in the trash. Do your best not to look. If you actually have to call and request a transcript, stop, stop, stop! Just don't do it. If you want to repair you M then what good is it to know this? It might drive you further away and you don't want that.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Agreed - you need to let that go. I know you think that if you found that out - that you could move on, but to be frank - I don't believe it would be that simple for you. How many other things have you thought that about and then continued to want to be with her?
Wanting to know that kind of info. is just going to perpetuate the state you are in with your W. At this point, it is probably best for you to truly detach and give her true space. Not just make her think she has space - but truly give it to her.
On the other side, what do you think she would think of you if she found out you requested phone records from months back to check up on her? I think that is exactly the kind of behavior that will continue to push her away...
I think it might be a moot point anyway. Unless the bill is a joint account I am not even sure you can still get copies. I recently read somewhere that cell phone companies are being sued left and right for disclosing this info without proper subpoenas, to PI's for example. Not sure how true this is as I can't remember where I read it...Like SU77 said I am sure she could find out if you did request a copy of her bill. That wouldn't be good either. Either way it erodes whatever trust may be left between you two.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
The last several comments on the OM sitch, cell phone records, etc, are spot on IMO, Heim. I suggest doing your best on following the above suggestions.
Thanks, ladies. I was leaning towards not doing it anyway. Excellent points all. Working on the space thing. Getting back into a workout routine is going to help out a lot.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
I know you would like to trust her. The problem is, people lie about the facts around affairs. Period. Your W is not going to be the sole exception, really.
The truth MAY emerge slowly and painfully IF you reconcile and W is fully committed to the M. Otherwise, psychologically, it simply will not be worth the emotional/legal expense for her to come clean. Nor, does it really matter if you don't reconcile. In that case, the problems in the R don't need to be worked out.
Trust yourself. You can't trust her on anything regarding OM right now.
