Where did my summer go?

[NOPkins]

LFL wrote:
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The "good" column far outweighs the "bad" column. The problem is that the two items I have listed on the "bad" column (he left and sexually LD) are two major issues that will continue to be present in our M. I truly don't think he can change his sex drive and he certainly cannot change history, so it's all in whether or not I accept the M where it is now and really work on making it better as time goes by. He says he is committed to working on this indefinitely. He is trying, it is just slow going.
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Like you said, you can't change history. So what to do about it?

That is very hard for some people. It is hard for me. MrsNOP seems to have a gift for not letting history affect her so much, and the fact is, we have some serious history between us, and some of the early stuff is really ugly.

I suggest that you have a look at the truth. He left you. Later on, he came back. Both statements are equally true. When he came back, he began to "clean up his mess". He has continued to clean up his mess. That's a fact as well. That also begins to give greater weight to the "He came back" fact.

Truth is an interesting thing. The first truth - he left, hurts like fire, and the sting of it just won't go away. The second truth - he came back and is trying to correct his stupidity, just doesn't seem to offset the sting of the first truth.

The real problem lies in your hurt, not so much in the actions. I have had things happen in my past that I was simply emotionally ill-prepared to handle. The idea that someone could do THAT to ME, was beyond belief. My response was typically male (kill it) vs. the typical female response (rage, expression and wondering why).

I can't make your hurt better, but I can tell you something that has helped me, and that is talking openly about it. I don't mean some wimpy-ass pleading, needy grab for attention, I mean a "Husband, do you have any idea just how hurt I still am over your leaving me? It is tearing me apart, and I am having great difficulty dealing with it". Discuss it after that until you feel better.

Try it on for size. I bet it alleviates some of your hurt. Lather, rinse and repeat when the hurt rises up again in time. The more often you address it, the less power it will eventually hold over you.

All the best,
-NOPkins-