Some quick responses.... not got too much time right now.
Originally Posted By: blackfoot
How are you NOT allowed to initiate?
Ha. Dryness doesn't come across well on a forum, eh? 'Course I'm *allowed* to initiate - just that right now, it doesn't get me very far. Or maybe I'm just not doing it right? Who knows?
Originally Posted By: blackfoot
Animal trainers call that LRS. Are you well trained?
Jeez, you're right. Heh. She's *training* me without me even knowing it. Do I normally just go away? Yep, guess I do eventually. I'm not into begging or pleading. And I'm not going to force the issue. So what else can I do?
Now I *really* feel for those dolphins.
Originally Posted By: blackfoot
What do you mean no deal?
I mean she's dead against counseling - doesn't believe in it. She wouldn't come with me last year, so I went by myself and got as much out of it as I could, which wasn't much to be honest. My dad's actually a trained counsellor and from what he's told me, I'm actually quite sceptical about the whole thing. Basically, what I'm saying is that counseling just isn't for everyone - me included.
Plus I'm also not 100% sure that I want this to work out right now either, and until I am sure, I'm not going to lay down those kind of boundaries.
Originally Posted By: blackfoot
Why do you think if the R doesn't work out YOU have to leave, and/or go live with you parents?
Simple. Because the place we're living in is in HER name only. It's rented, not owned. I'd have absolutely zero say in who stays and who goes if it came to that. I wouldn't be able to live here by myself - UK divorce laws (or any laws for that matter) don't even come into it.
I'm actually in a better place - headwise - than I'm probably portraying myself here. If the R ended tomorrow, I know I'd be fine, whether I move in with my folks or not (they're a bit of a drive from the beach, though, so that's a big negative!! Heh).
I'd like it to work because I do love my W and I do want my family to stay together. I'd also like things to work, simply because the practical/logistical side of splitting up just seems like a fricking nightmare - especially with kids involved.
So, like I said, if it ended tomorrow I'd be sad and all that, but all the thinking I've done over the last 12 months has opened my eyes to a whole bunch of positives, too.
So in terms of the 'power' my wife has over me (your #6), I actually don't think she does. True, she currently holds the power when it comes to sex, and whilst it is important to me, it's really just a minor issue in the grand scheme of things. The real power sits with me - it's me who's making the choice to stay right now. It's NOT her 'allowing' me to stay. However, should things tip too far the wrong way, I'll make the choice to go, too.
And there's nothing she'll be able to do about it.
I fully know that eventually, if things continue, I'm going to run out of ideas, energy and desire for my wife, so I guess I'm posting here on this forum because I want to be reassured that I've done everything I can first - should I ever need to make that decision.
**ILLNESS ALERT**ILLNESS ALERT**ILLNESS ALERT** Incidentally, she's just been signed off work all week because of a trapped nerve in her neck/shoulder. I appreciate that it's super painful, but she strangely doesn't seem to mind that the pain can last for weeks/months/years, etc, etc. I guess she knows that it's given her another pretty good long-term excuse for avoiding the erm... 'subject'.
