FaithfulH...did you make up your keychain with '5%' on it yet?
As you already know, I admire you as a man.
Stay 'the rock'.
Arm on your shoulder. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Faithfullh, Thank you very much for replying and sharing your story. Amazing you prayed through you mobile! A connection in every sense of the word!! I will read the thread you posted to me. I feel like prayer is such a powerfull way to share, heal and turn things around. I'd like to form a prayer standing circle aswell. I saw on the rejoice site they also pray with timeslots. It's a bit more difficult for me though since I'm not from the states and live in a completely different timezone BUT I'll work it out! Keep on praying!
My W and I are almost 4 months into our reconciliation and it is UTTERLY AMAZING (and that is an understatement). Here's what I know now looking back on my sitch (with the benefit of my W filling in a lot of blanks):
We NEVER see clearly what is going on in our sitch...but, we see CLEARER as time goes on
It is nearly impossible to keep the "fog" of emotion from tainting our view
We often "chalk up" our spouses actions to negative motives...when none exist. (Corollary: they do the same to us!)
Time and Space is the greatest gift we can give our spouses during these trials...and it is a gift to us as well (even though it doesn't seem like it at the time). My W told me last week, I needed to separate from you to get my head together. Wow, I thought it was all about me!
A funny story: this weekend my W and I were out on a "date" and we stopped in Crate and Barrel to pick up some wine glasses (for our new wine tasting hobby we enjoy together)...we chatted with the clerk for quite awhile and near the end she said, "I have to tell you that you seem so happy together....like you REALLY enjoy doing things together"...we both smiled and said, "You're right, we do!" Little did she know...my W only withdrew the divorce action last week!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
I saw your name on the board to CatFan, just as I wrote that tehre were no more familiar names on the board. I am very happy for you. It looks like we separated at about the same time. I hope that the space and time thing works. I'll be in Iraq until at least June of 08, when I head home to CT as well. I have been separated since Sept 06, just like you. My conversations home these days are not usually met with the anger I once got. She is somewhat congenial, but I see no signs anything has changed, but who knows? I'd love to hear from you on my thread if you get a chance. How did it happen for you?
May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.
I hope you do not mind my posting this here but it came from Bob of Charlyne Cares and makes so much sense and I though people who are reading this thread will appreciate it:
THE LETTER OF A PRODIGAL SPOUSE -
Honey,
How in the world did I wind up out here? I just wanted to have some innocent fun and things just got out of hand. It took more and more fun to keep me happy, until the guilt was more than I could handle, so I left. Maybe I was not as mad as you thought, but I just knew that I did not deserve to be married to you. I thought once I was away from you that the guilt would go away, but it hasn't. I only feel more guilt about leaving. The world says divorce is ok and that I am on my way to becoming a "swinging single," but so far it looks like I am on the way to being a sad single.
Not to cry, but things are rough for me also right now. Do you think it is pleasant to be uprooted from your entire life and replanted in a land where guilt and sin and shame prevail? It is not. I know, it was my decision, but I had to do it. Besides, it was almost as if it really wasn't me doing those things. I wish I did not even know the word "divorce."
I do not mean those things I say, such as, "I never loved you." We both know that is just not true, but saying a lot of stuff is just part of this whole mess. You are not a bad person. In fact, you are a pretty neat person. That must be why I think about you about a hundred times a day (but have never told anyone that part before). I am trying so hard to look happy, but am slowly dying on the inside.
"Then why don't you come home?" You must be wondering. I just can't, even though I think about that often. What would others think? That I am a baby and needed my mother? Besides, I do not know how to break it off with you-know-who, who does not know that I am even writing you. If I came home, I would have a hard, hard time putting all this behind me. Would you be patient enough to let me heal? I am so afraid that if I ever came home (but I am never coming home) I would do something and you would want me gone again. It will (I mean it would, sorry) take time and a lot of work from both of us. Did I tell you I dreamed about you and I praying together? It was only a dream.
The best I have ever felt in a long time is when I heard that you were praying for me. My prayers right now only go as high as the ceiling, so I do not pray, but I know God is still there. He did not go away just because I turned my back on Him, but I was ashamed to really seek Him after all that I did. I know that God would never allow me in Heaven now, so thanks for your prayers that are keeping me alive on this earth.
What does "standing" mean? You need to get on with your life. I stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago. I am never going to come home, but would like for us to be friends. I will call you to talk about our being friends-just friends. No, I can't because you-know-who forbids me to call. I do not know why there is such a strange pull on my life from that corner.
I could come over and talk to you. That would feel good. I need to lie to get out, so that would make you like the other person, so I can't do that either. I feel like a caged animal most of the time. Would you want me home just as I am, confused and all? Probably not, after all that I have done to us.
I think this needs to be delivered in person, maybe left at your (our) door. I will bring my things with me, just in case I happen to see you and you say yes to my coming home. I can get out of this other mess later, if you are willing.
Know what? My heart beats fast and I feel lighter when I plan how I could come home. It is like the weight is off of me. This may be another of many false starts, but I am practicing coming home today. Sure hope you are ready to receive me, warts and all.
From someone who really never stopped loving you, Your spouse, lover, friend, and protector
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Wow, SF....thanks so much for sharing! This post illustrates beautifully the point I was trying to make about "ascribing bad motives" to our WAS/MLCer....it isn't about us....and sometimes they don't even know who/what it is about! Thanks again!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
A few weeks ago, H told me that S16 wanted to break up with his girlfriend because he had been lying to her, no longer wants to hurt her, etc.
My son said he never said any such thing to H!! We finally figured out that H was talking about himself!!! And, H used to say these things about OW well over a year ago when he had been drinking. He has not drank since January of this year which is a blessing.
God works in mysterious ways but sometimes we don't always get it at first.
I just cannot imagine being in MLC and having my head spin around the way theirs does.
The good thing is that God is always working on them and us.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
