Phoenix Rising? Maybe.

[cpolk]

Hello all. I'm new, obviously. Been watching and reading for a while though.

My situation is not unlike many. Distance created over the years became unnoticable and the norm. It culminated in an EA for me and an EA/PA for my W for whom the distance was especially hard on. All came to light following my return from deployment. For both of us it was our first stray; ironically we we're both looking for the same thing...love, appreciation, and passion.

Since, mine has ended by me in early June 07. My W's PA ended the week before I returned May 07. The EA continued over the phone until late Aug 07. I relayed to my W that I would not live with her, work on us, and live with his ghost over the phone; she reluctantly agreed...we'll see.

With the help of the Divorce Busting book and 4 others with similar topics we've made some progress. Its true one person really can make a difference in saving a marriage. My W's reads are Self Esteem related and "How did I get Here" about unexpected live/love turns. My W remains distant with her space mostly with physical contact, no physical intimacy in over 3 months. We still share the same home and bed.

She was dead set on popping the big D when I returned; she finds herself emotionally lost now that it hasn't happened. We are better friends oddly enough than we've been in years. That helps. We've had a really good 3 weeks here recently; my optimism says "that's got to mean something". She says she's "not leaving" vs. 'she's staying', and is comfortable with my base counselors proposal of a Feb 08 relationship temperature check.

I think until then patience, patience, patiece, giving her space, and waiting for her to work through her stuff and reattach.