I am going to stop posting and just read what you say and how the others respond. Our thoughts parallel. I guess this is the place I need to be for now and I see I (we) have a lot of work left to do.
I understand your question and your feelings about her response all too well. It's not quite fishing for a compliment, but you are opening the door for her to say something uplifting to you. Unfortunately, rarely do they ever. It is true for sons to fathers, daughters to mothers, Hs to Ws and Ws to Hs. We ask a question knowing we will not get the answer we want, but we hope that we will. Usually we are told just enough for us to keep hanging on. Or we just think to ourselves, "Oh, (he/she/it) really meant _____ , I just know it." I think it is because we believe that if the person really knew what we were asking for, they would tell us but at the same time we feel like they should already know what to say.
Maybe someday we'll all "get it," and never have to fish again.
I don't know why, but now I feel like my W should be going well beyond the call of duty to make up for what she has done. I know this is wrong and that I am on shaky ground as it is, but I am uncertain how to db from this point.
I think you are doing fine, and there seems to be plenty on intelligent people to give you help. I hope to learn from them as well.
Quoting Lisa_and_LL:eat ice cream whilst thinking about poking at pimples in your ear
I think I'm gonna be sick! But I know what you're trying to say, Lisa.
Quoting MAL:Finally did my recap. It is a novel.
MAL, I plan on getting to it soon...
Quoting WW:Just wondering how my fav Beverly Hillbilly is doing.
Heeeee....haw!!! Doing okay, WW. Thanks for asking!
Quoting SBH:I don't know why, but now I feel like my W should be going well beyond the call of duty to make up for what she has done. I know this is wrong and that I am on shaky ground as it is, but I am uncertain how to db from this point.
I also feel like our Ses should go beyond the call of duty; however, given their current mindsets, it's not likely. I think we simply need to suck it up for now and watch the little changes day by day. I believe it will change eventually. Also, it is not wrong to feel this way...it's entirely justified.
Don't really have much new to report. I will say, though, much to the annoyance of some on the BB, that my W came home around 2:00AM the night before last from visiting her friend and jumped my bones. All I can say is, "WOW!"
Quoting jethro: Wow. Lots of "interesting" activity.
I read this statment and I think to myself: "self, I wonder what this interesting activity could be?"
Then I read at the bottom,
Quoting jethro:
Don't really have much new to report. I will say, though, much to the annoyance of some on the BB, that my W came home around 2:00AM the night before last from visiting her friend and jumped my bones. All I can say is, "WOW!"
Take'r easy all!
jethro
1. I would love to take'r easy... That is the best way! 2. Where do I send my $9.99 check for monthly acess to this thread. 3. SHOWOFF!!!!
Honestly Jethro, I am just joshing ya... Glad to hear you had a midnight surprise....
Its been a long time since I had one of those... LOL...
Hey WW, MAL, and KAW, I knew my comments would get some "goats."
So, this weekend hasn't been as bad as all the other weekends since finding out about my W's A. However, today I got that weird feeling that she's communicating with OM. Like I briefly mentioned on LL's thread, I think maybe it's because things are going well and I'm worried about sabotage. I mentioned my fears to my W and she was nice about hearing me out and reassuring me. I still wonder though...but it's a cheeseless tunnel...
In any case, since everyone likes posting lyrics on the BB, I thought I'd post one set of "rough" lyrics that I wrote to record in my FIL's studio. As many of you know, I play guitar (and only occasionally write lyrics). This was written in the middle of one night post 1st bomb, but pre-DBing, so you know where I was coming from at the time...
Quote: Actions Scream Louder than Words
You tell me one thing but you do something else Actions scream louder than the words you express
What I'm promised one day is changed in a whim Threaded through woven words you so easily spin
Why is it so hard to do what you say This is my trust you so easily betray
Are these petty things really worth the effort Or is there some greater purpose to your hurt
A conscious attempt to try and push me away Or perhaps subconsciously not wanting to stay
This is the second-guessing world I live in And most of the time I keep it all within
I grow weary supporting the love for four For you, I wish it didn't seem like such a chore
The argument's the same, just a new venue Another choice on the household menu
CHORUS Booze and cigarettes have become your religion And a bar on Thursday has become your temple Many would sell their soul for what you've achieved All of our love is there for you...and you want to leave
Do you see the choices that you are making Do you see the impact of your taking
Tell me how this is positive for us Convince me this is helps our situation
What do you see when you look in the mirror A portait of a woman that isn't quite clear
So, I've written a total of three songs since the 1st bomb. Only one song have we put to music (not this one). I let my W hear it before I began DBing and she pretty much had no reaction. I was very hurt because I thought maybe it'd get through to her...even just a little. I was wrong...
I'm trying not to be a downer. Just reminiscing and sharing something with you guys that shows something of myself and my situation. Things have been pretty good lately.
Your song portrays such feeling - you are a talented artist! A friend of mine just picked up guitar in the last year - the other week, I was over at his place (it's his wife I went to the last play with) and he was playing "Closer to fine" (Indigo Girls). I just started singing along. I don't play an instrument, but he has inspired me - maybe it's not too late for me. I think it would be very therapeutic.
I hope those demons leave you alone soon! Hey, we have sunshine and warmth here for a change - I have been sitting outside and thought of you, there in the south with endless summer - ya lucky bum!
RJJ, it's never too late, I bought my H his first guitar for Christmas 2001.
Jethro, your song could be our anthem.
You know, most people would be amazed to hear that your W didn't really respond when she heard those lyrics, but not me.
The head space of a WAS (or wannabe) is a strange space indeed.
As I think I posted on a much earlier thread, post bomb #1 (when H told me he wanted a D, had "kissed" an OW once, no further contact....but was in fact carrying on an EA and PA with her the whole time....) I had him down load a bunch of tunes for me.
Including Hoobastanks "Why are you running away???" (Please if you haven't heard that one, just listen to the lyrics and the pain and confusion in the man's voice")...and songs with lyrics such as "If you had my love and I gave you all my trust would you comfort me? If somehow you knew that your love would be untrue would you lie to me? And Call me baby?"
He burned these (and countless others) onto a CD for me (including one I DIDN'T ask for: "I'm walking away....from the troubles in my life...) and listened to me play them over and over. Singing along.
I asked him after Bomb #2 what he felt while downloading and hearing these songs and he said something to the effect of "I just liked the beat, I didn't really listen to the words )
So, there you go. Although it's far worse that you actually WROTE those lyrics!
Just thought I'd check in with you, as your words to others continue to inspire me .
Many years ago, my mom wrote a bunch of songs. She had me sing them onto a tape for her. Then she sent these tapes in to a company with professional musicians who recorded the songs for her.
They did a great job.
Would you be interested in doing something like that with your music?
You say you love me, so young I believed. And you sounded so sincere. How was I to guess, I was being deceived. Instead I gave what I held so dear.
Now again you say it's over 'tween us But we can see each other just for fun. As a way of bringing back good times When for me you were the only one.
But now I know what you're about, And what is really you. I don't need you to make me whole. I can do better, it's true.
No longer Like a moth to a flame, No longer Like Blanch was to Stan, No longer Like Sid was to Cleo. Now I'm on my feet again.
Now time has had its way with me, So many years I've lost track. I know I gave you my heart; just never thought to get it back.
Now I know it's always been mine to give, And never yours to take. I am stronger than you know, and can fix what any can break.
No longer Like a moth to a flame, No longer Like Blanch was to Stan, No longer Like Sid was to Cleo. Now I'm on my feet again.
Whaddya think?
As for your sitch, I'm glad you and the W made the two backed beast. My W and I recently did the same and I found it to be very difficult for several reasons. Two of them were the obvious two affairs, but the third was that once I had sex with her, I gave up my power over her. If the worst happened and we got a D, we would now have to fight for children and property. The law in my stated says if you have sex after finding out about the affair, you have reconciled and starting from scratch. So now I don't have any leverage. I just hope I don't need it.
Afterward, she cried and I spent the next hour just holding her. It was kinda nice, but I know we have a long way to go. My demons will not let me go...
But I know what you're trying to say, Lisa.
.