nephartiti, your lawyer is sooooo right on. I work in federal law enforcement and deal with custody issues on a daily basis (parental kidnapings with custody agreements in place). NO ONE will get involved (other than a polite talk, possibly) if you are still married and there is nothing on paper about separation or custody. You will be powerless for at least a few days, if not longer.
However, I think you are right, H got stressed about facing his family, didn't want to 'cave' and bring S home so probably drove around and thought of the motel. I don't think your S was ever in physical danger or possibility of neglect, but his world was shaken up a bit by the changes. He was still with Daddy though. If you did get something legal, you could try to set boundaries about OW being around when H has the kids.
I am so sorry.
WOW to the spending spree!!! Glad you took your money out before this happened.
