You have to keep in mind that the desire you FEEL is your responsibility. You don't get it from someone else. They may do things that help get you there faster, or inadvertently hit your tripwire... but still, it is yours to manage or feed.
Sexual desire is directly related to MY sexuality. I think what you might be dealing with is your own underdeveloped sense of sexuality. Own your sexuality and BE IN CHARGE of it. <--- That is what men 'vibe' from a woman as desire... because when you turn that 'attitude' on THEM... whew doggie.
I'm past the chemical phase with my bf. Everybody here knows I've struggled with LD. It started coming back, even with him. I REFUSED to allow that to happen. BTDT.
But still... how to proceed when I don't feel it.
Well... I decided, I don't have to feel it. I let myself off the hook. What I did have to do was explore my sexuality and be honest with my bf about what I was/wasn't feeling and why... and what I planned on doing about it.
Doesn't make for rip roaring sex right out of the gate... but in a sense, it does release you from resentment, because you ARE in charge of your own sexuality. You feel it. You bring that with you to your sexual encounters with your H.
You let your H off the hook because you begin to communicate with him... try this... do that... how about this... can we do... you start laughing with each other at how dorky you feel... you WORK on intimate kissing, and improve it... kissing, really good kissing... IS IT.
The NOPs did something very similar, I believe... AND they used a schedule in order to keep anyone from getting lazy.
