It was another good night I believe, funny story is that soon after the discovery, when I was in shambles and blaming everything about myself, I also ordered some herbal viagra pills. So last night as I am doing Soduko the phone rings and my W answers, It is the herbal company looking for feedback, we actually chuckled and she said not to try out it tonight. Life's small victories.
I am not a certified personal trainer, but I am a logical moving man, and I think and wonder why it is so hard for others to do it. I guess the real wake up call was this affair in a way. It is quite similar that we wake up only when the hammer smacks us, much as we probably wake up to our inactivity when the emergency room has us in it.
Life lessons both of them in a way and if we make ourselves better, it will be a ripple effect way and far beyond of our marriages.
We are heading to couples therapy tonight, and having been the "target" of much of it in the past, tonight I am going in saying things are pretty good, I think we can move on to some happier tasks and also I think for my wife to realize that she has a pile of stuff and demons, much of it which she initially blamed on me or our marriage and the more I see through the fog, the more I see that it is really her running away from herself. It is time to come back home, not that I am rushing, I am patiently waiting. She actually said yesterday that the affair can never be forgotten and that she will have to live with the fact that she was unfaithful. It was the first time she expressed openly this fact or anything close to it. I think her denial and such has been ruling and also the fact that she sees the light and the fact that the affair was not right, and it really had very little to do with me and if I had a beer when I came home instead of the vacuum. Not that I am saying, see I told you so in any way. I actually feel quite sorry for her and wish I could do something to help, so if there are any thoughts or ideas, just let me know. Perhaps I should continue to give her the space as I go about my own journey.
On that note, since I have been known to be a little impatient, I actually went to excel and did a timeline spreadsheet ot my life, my life with my wife, my married life, roughly the affair, and then the post affair time. In addition I added the expected life expectancy based on a Portugese fortune teller some 10 years ago. This really shows why and how easy it is to slow down a little and a day or a week does not appear to be that big a deal in the really big picture.
I am rambling on, mostly because I have not written in my notebook or journal since sunday so you get my musings instead.
I will keep you posted on how we, my wife and I do as we embark on what I call my new life. If I feel the urge I will write some more, but this is it for now,
“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.” —Sir John Lubbock
