Vacillations of a WAW Come Home III

[MAL]

Jethro,
While reading your post about asking that question to your W, the first thought that entered my mind was: What would you hope to gain by asking that? I see that you answered that question for me in your next post. But I still wonder....

By asking that question, you were setting yourself up for pain. Your W can't lie to you about it -- which is a good thing -- her being honest.

But unless it is info she volunteers, wouldn't it be better to think of what the responses could be before you ask? Then ask yourself, how will this info help me. If you see that the outcome could go either way, perhaps that is a question to save for later.

I hope I'm making sense.

I read in one of my A books that some couples put tough questions into a bowl. The betrayed S puts in the questions. Then during safe R talk, the unfaithful spouse pulls out one question. The S decides if he/she is ready to answer the question. If so, the betrayed S also decides. If they both say yes, then the S answers the question. When I read that, I thought what a wonderful idea. I even mentioned that idea to my H, and he liked the idea. Just wish I could get a chance to use it someday.

I see that DBing continues long after reconciliation and piecing. Perhaps the same concepts could be used during the R talks: Will this question get me closer to my goal?

I guess I am just rambling now. I hope my .02 helps!