There is nothing at all wrong with Ikea. But I had a bunch of odds and ends, nothing really permanent. I was keeping my place minimally furnished...bare bones really cause I still had a lot of hope that I would be returning to my home soon. But with this recent chain of events, and after contemplating spending so much on a TV I decided I needed a real living room set and a real dining room table & chairs to feel at home. I was using the two person table from my college apt...and very sparse furniture. Like I said one of my brothers pals cleaned out his garage and hooked me up with a few things but the place still seemed kind of empty.
Basically everything I want from my home with H he has "laid claim to" for the time being. I def have rights and when he comes home from his most recent bus trip many of my personal things (pots pans appliances linens...will all be gone)but now I have a the new furniture and its like a fresh start.
Neither of us really wants to sell the house. The market in Boston is very depressed right now and we will basically walk away with nothing. If we can wait a year or so then we will break even and maybe have a few dollars each after the debts are paid.
AS for paying the mortgage My name is on the mortgage and the deed so I am on the line for payments whether I live there on not, don't want to f-up my credit as I really want to buy something smaller if things cannot be worked out. Daycare here is really expensive but once D goes to kindergarten next year H will be able to buy me out and afford the house on his own.
Its my Dad's duplex so I am just paying the utilities. Which is still a stretch after my half of the mortgage and daycare. Oh well. I am sure some of you are in this boat as well. There is no easy answer and I am not out to "screw" him or our credit ratings. SInce I work in financial services I see far too many people (mostly women) whose spouse walks away and ruins both of there credit scores. Very hard to dig out from that no matter what...it lingers around forever!
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
WAW, I know what you mean by college furniture. I've got a card table for a dining room table, two WallyWorld bookshelves that I've had for almost a decade sandwiched around an antique bookcase and another wallyworld bookcase I've had since college in the kitchen to use as a mini-pantry. The bookcases were fine in the basement of the house, but lack a certain something when in a proper living area. Just have to replace a few things at a time.
Like you, I'm a little torn in that i don't want to buy too much, because I really would like to reconcile. Suppose my strategy will be to buy stuff that could work with what's still at the house.
Mini-journal:
First day of switching the girls over went OK. Picked them up at their usual bus stop, grabbed a few things from the house (amazing how much stuff one acquires over the years), and came back my place for homework. Regular afternoon routine for them (going to have to switch my schedule to start working earlier so that I can spend some time with them in the afternoon. They can't just go outside to play here.)
W picked them up around 6. I had gotten pretty much everything straightened up by then, got a 'Looks nice' comment. I'm a bit messy, one of my DBing efforts is going to be keeping this place straight (both for me and a very visible show to her of change on my part). She sent me an email late yesterday afternoon with a link to an article about Robert Jordan dying (author of Wheel of Time series, I'm a fantasy geek). She's not dropped a random bit of info like that to me in months.
Told her that I left her van key at the house. She was surprised since she still has a key to the car. Said you're close and I can borrow it if needed and get the key then.
Walked them down to the van. W was lingering behind the van, I guess unsure of whether or not to hug. I kept distance and didn't initiate, said have a good night. Gave the girls' hugs and kisses and went for a run.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Sounds like you are on the right path. Glad you first weekend at the new place went smoothly. I have to agree about the accumulation of stuff. I have more junk than I can imagine!
I feel like the house will never be rid of all my stuff.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Just wanted to let you know that levitz is having a double discount 15% off + an add'l 15% off. I know it is only a 1/2 step up from Ikea - but if you need an upgrade from your card table dining room set - it might be an option.
Thanks. I'm currently torn on whether or not to get something relatively OK and inexpensive from World Market/IKEA/Pier One or live with the card table and just wait until I find something I really like. Given that I'd rather get something for my TV (my precious) first, probably the later.
Without my W talking to OM, I think there would actually be a really good chance of us getting back together. With him in the picture "as a friend" (not sure if I believe that one), I'm not so sure. Regardless, as everyone says, these changes aren't for her but for me so onward I go. What's eating me up is that she said she wasn't talking to him before she gave me the ILBINILWY speech, but I'm just not sure. Part of me would like to contact Cingular and get the calling records for march and April to see. At least that way, I'd know that if she had been talking to him then, I think I'd really be done at this point. That would be a huge betrayal.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
"Suppose my strategy will be to buy stuff that could work with what's still at the house. "
(1) Why? How about trying just being Heim and getting exactly what Heim wants? You can always resell furniture. You need to detach from your past life. Live in the present.
(2) Yes, I can tell you 95% certainty that she was talking to OM in march and april.
I agree with OT about when she was talking with OM. I can see the parallel in my relationship with my H and when he was and wasn't talking to OW. I think now he feels guilty when he thinks that reconciling might be the right way to go, he doesn't want to hurt her.
