I mean when you first meet someone either the sexual tension is there or it isn't. If it's there, the cuddling isn't going to be just cuddling for very long. Every time NG and I sat down on his sofa together we were having sex within about 10 minutes max. I was fully aroused within about 30 seconds of kissing Teddy. If I'm not going to have sex with a man some SERIOUS propriety needs to be maintained. Like do not let any part of your body touch any part of mine below the neck, above the knee or above the wrist.
I hope you know that in spite of all your reading and studying about relationships, you are falling right back into the same role you were in with your xH – needy, needy, needy. Your whole analysis is focusing on you, which is good and necessary. But you judge your results based on the reactions on men. So maybe take a moment to think about how men see you.
Back when I was dating, if I ran a cross a woman like you it would have been an open invitation to just take all the sex I wanted until I had enough, grew bored, found something better, and then dump you and move on. I would want to date you for a while just to get a kick out of you. For instance, if I touch you boob, how long before having sex? If I touch your butt, how long, then maybe your stomach, your waist, then just your arm, how about your hand?…. sort of like an experiment.
But one thing I can tell you is that I would have zero respect for you. If you were that hungry and easy for sex with me, then you would be the same way with other men, and I would not feel you would ever be material for a long term relationship.
Now don’t get me wrong because I know the double standard I am throwing out here. Men can do this so why can’t women, right? Well you can do this, nothing wrong with it, but don’t expect anyone you meet while having casual sex to be a serious partner. Men might have sex easily with lots of women, but when they find the “one,” they might hold off of sex because they the man don’t want to come across as too easy (well, this happens some of the time). He wants the woman to respect him and he wants to respect her.
What I am saying is go have fun. But don’t delude yourself into thinking this new freedom somehow defines how you should act with a serious partner. Casual sex and a LTR are two separate things. Don’t let the casual sex define who you are and spoil your chances for a LTR. Once you’ve had your fun, then you will need to impose some self discipline, as Corri recommended, if you ever hope to find the “one.”
