Have you been in touch with other man? If not, have you been spending a lot of time rehashing the separation and remembering how you felt with other man and about the absence of your husband?
There has been zero contact with any OM. Not that I haven't been tempted, but I am quite proud of myself for not going there. I know it only complicates an already complicated situation and frankly, I just don't have it in me to deal with more than my M at this point. Have I been rehashing? Maybe a little but not the sexual R with OM. I have been having a hard time accepting the fact that my H left me with two kids (ages 2 and 4 at the time) and seemed to really make such a clean break during that horrible time in our M. Here I am struggling to figure this all out and the one thing that I KNOW I will not do is break up our family with the kids being so young. I just won't. He did. That is hard for me to reconcile in my head. I hold no respect for that (obviously) and so that is still the greatest hurdle for me to overcome. Way beyond the sexual stuff.
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If you want to get a grip on what is real, and what matters in the long run, assess your marriage as a snapshot in time as it exists right now. Make a list of your observations, both good and bad. In one column, write down what is right about it. In an adjacent column, write down what needs work or what is bad about your marriage.
The "good" column far outweighs the "bad" column. The problem is that the two items I have listed on the "bad" column (he left and sexually LD) are two major issues that will continue to be present in our M. I truly don't think he can change his sex drive and he certainly cannot change history, so it's all in whether or not I accept the M where it is now and really work on making it better as time goes by. He says he is committed to working on this indefinitely. He is trying, it is just slow going.
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Generally speaking, if there isn't abuse, addiction, or mental health issues, most marriages are worth working at, and that decision can be made without introspection in depth.
I agree. There is no question in my mind about staying in the M with the kids being so young. Maybe I will never change my mind because they will always be my kids, who knows. Maybe this issue won't be as much of a concern in 10 years. Who knows. All I do know is that he is good to me now despite all of our past issues and he does want to try to make it even better. That is enough to keep me in this M.
