I have no real R with my H. In Mojo's words he is the irritating and sometimes rude boarder who helps pay the bills. I felt good about the way I handled things last week, but that still leaves me with no real R with my H. He hangs around my house, smoking, sometimes interacting with the kids, interacting quite a lot with the dog. When I leave him alone enough and don't initiate anything, such as a conversation, or a kiss or anything at all, he will occasionally (like once every week or two) initiate sex with me. That's OK I like sex. But the rest is just so boring and nothingy and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. He is who he is. Not only that but he his an alcoholic and therefore only half present at the best of times.
When H and I got together I gave him a philosophy text to read (Berkeley's Principles of Human Knowledge) he read it. But didn't have much to say about it - in fact he didn't have anything to say about it. Not even "well that was a pile of crap wasn't it". I should have stopped the R right there. It didn't strike me as much of a red flag at the time. But when you add in: not liking music, not liking the same kind of food, not being willing to engage in a debate about anything at all let alone philosophy, not having the same parenting values, not being able to balance a check book, smoking, not looking after yourself physically, not going on holiday with us, etc etc. Where's the R?
So I have no R (despite working on this problem with the help of these boards and various R books for four years now) with the father of my children.
What comes first? Me and my life or my kids and their well-being as kids that grow up in an ostensibly two parent home?
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
