Separated, but working together challenge - help!

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Take your time, just because she has an attorney doesn't mean anything, yet.
I think my only advice is that if you haven't read DR or DB, go buy it and read it now. Give her the space she wants without argument, otherwise you lose just by speaking. I think it would be hard to run a business in this case, but seems neither of you want to change, it so work with it. Stop as you say, criticizing her work, patronizing her and learn patients.
It is a tough road you are on, but you say she calls you and wants to talk, let her talk and just listen, let her get whatever it is out of her system and see where it leads.