jethro, i found it interesting that you said your level of forgiveness equals her level of effort. i feel more forgiving when my h genuinly expresses remorse. this must be pretty common. i think some of us injured parties make a decision to forgive long before the actual forgiveness takes place.

i have learned it is a process for me that began when i commited to try to forgive. many times i have doubted i would be able to forgive. today i feel like i will be able to. also i realize i can not totally forgive somethings right now. i just can't. i can forgive my h's immaturity, and self-centered behavior. i know someday i will be able to forgive his screwing 2 other women. his telling of my personal secrets and vulnerabilities to #2, i can not. maybe someday.

i think you just have to keep reminding yourself that it is early in the game for you. being betrayed by your supposed soul mate is such a gut and heart wrenching experience. it can not be gotten over, but it can be trudged through. hopefully on the other side is a stronger, healthier relationship. that's what my therapist says, anyway! lisa