Now I've done it... again

[nephartiti]

Morgan, the motel is just a few miles from my FIL's. I don't know why they didn't just stay there as H said he was.

If I give the benefit of the doubt, which I admit is difficult, I would say that he intended to stay there. As far as I know, this is the first time he's seen any family since this whole thing started. Perhaps he was just too uncomfortable. He told them he was bringing S2 home to me. Maybe, at that point, he intended to. Maybe he didn't know what to do. FIL said they left around 9 PM. I have no idea what they did for the following 3 hours. He had S2. Yes it was late. I don't know what the man is/was thinking. I don't know what to make of S2 saying "Papa sleep in car. That bed too big" either.

I will tell you one thing. S9 is from a previous relationship. We never married, but when we split, it was never like this. We agreed we didn't get along, but we also agreed that S9 was #1 priority. We have always worked together, not without disagreements mind you, but we have committed to cooperation in parenting.

My H has always had a holier than thou attitude towards S9's dad and his parenting. Now look. S9's dad has never gone more than 2 days without talking to his son, he has always been involved, and I would never be worried like I was this weekend.

My L, who advertises as a Christian attorney, says I am being outright foolish by letting things go this far. I think she has taken a personal interest in me. Her H walked out on her when her youngest was 15 months old. She got her law degree as a single mom. Now she divorces people for a living. Interesting, to say the least.

This is how she puts it:

Honey, I know this is not what you want. This is your plan A and you have been holding on waiting for him to come to his senses. Maybe he will. I'm not saying he can't change, but right now, he is using your tender heart and your vulnerability after just having a baby, and he is walking all over you. He isn't showing that he is concerned with you or your children. He isn't showing any respect. You don't even know where your son was for 2 days. You need to set some boundaries. I can put lots of pressure on him without you even filing, if that's what you want. I think you should file. You can always dismiss the case if he wakes up.

There you have it. I think lwb and MK were discussing the fine line between battered wife syndrome and unconditional love. I draw the line when I can not be confident in my children's well being. I don't want a D, but I cannot legally protect my kids without opening some kind of case. My L said that, if I had called the cops, they would have done nothing unless I was able to give substantial evidence that S2 was in danger. Their is nothing on paper saying H cannot take S2 out of the area or anywhere he wants. He can take him to OW's mystery apt, and refuse to give him back, and I would have to wait for due process. Since I don't know where he is, I wouldn't even be able to serve him til he went back to work in November.

On the other hand, because there is no court order, I can deny him access. I can refuse to let H take them. I can insist that he only visits here or that I drop off and pick up at the park, etc. If he didn't like it, he would have to go through the court. He would have to provide an address because now he insists that he is living out of the van. L said she would be willing to call him, lay out the law, and insist on a written agreement before he saw the kids again. It wouldn't be as strong as a court order, but it would say hey, you can't do it this way anymore.

Sorry for the long post, but I really feel like H crossed a line here that I just can't ignore. A very strong boundary must be put in place. I'm just not sure what the best way to do it is.