Call me dense but I don't really see anything "wrong" here. You had hot sex with a cute guy or two. Some people never get hot sex, ever. You're a "favourite of fortune", to quote J.A., both for being able to give and to receive. You're young, healthy, and there are tons of cool guys out there. Celebrate it.
You know what? I think you're mostly right. Here's why I think Corri and I aren't quite on the same page with the swan concept. (Hopefully the cat will appreciate this ) Let me share a moment when I felt like my version of the swan:
NG and I just had some seriously intensely hot sex. As the afterglow fades, I rise from the bed with a certain grace, naked and confident. As I stand and prepare to walk away, he reaches out and grasps my waist with his hands and kisses me tenderly way down low on the back. I turn my head and smile at him over my shoulder.
That is me at my mature feminine non-maternal best. That's who I want to be in relation to a man. I think the swan has to do with devotion and I am devoted to finding the man with whom I can feel like that woman on a til death do us part basis (in between the laundry and the quarrels.)
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
) Let me share a moment when I felt like my version of the swan:
