Vacillations of a WAW Come Home III

[sage]

This led me to ask her if she's waiting for me to tell her I forgive her. Her reply was that "I want you to tell me when you're ready." So, I just nodded and we went on to other conversation. I just don't feel comfortable with saying it yet. I need more time. I still feel very hurt by her infidelity sometimes.

This is really interesting...I've been so busy waiting for my H. to give me a passionate, heartfelt apology that it never occurred to me that he might be waiting for me to tell him that I forgive him...

Monday the old Jethro came out and acted stressed around the W. I think it's because of a mom problem I'm having right now (I know how you feel Umbrella). Later that night in bed my W said, "I don't want to see the old Jethro come back because I like the new one." She says this sometimes because I'm sure she doubts my changes are permanent. Frankly, I sometimes doubt them too. Do you guys feel the same way? In any case, I asked her if she thought they were not permanent and she said she thought they were. Then I simply asked her not to say that anymore. I KNOW what I need to do and don't need to be reminded (didn't tell that to her, though). Actually, it freaks me out when she says this...hmmm...gotta wonder why...

I worry sometimes that I'm not going to be able to sustain the changes that I've made -- particularly when I think of the life changes (kids, sickness, death of parents, etc) that would make life more stressful....but, I know from our MC experience of a few years ago that we HAVE been able to sustain a lot of good things with little effort -- the way that we argue now (much more constructively), etc. I also think that sometimes just being able to note that you're falling back into an old pattern is "good enough" at times -- seeing the old stuff emerge and recognizing it seems like a step in the right direction.

Sage