MC - nervous and need advice

[forward]

Yes, I am wondering if I want H back. I was reading a book about whether a relationship is worth saving and one series of questions relates to power.

I am at this time trying to figure out if H is "incurable power person." Also marriages go through stages and we are in power struggle stage, so this is something to consider carefully.

I have to ask myself if H's history of attraction to troubled people has more to do with power and less to do with empathy.

H can be a control freak. Over time I allowed myself to be bullied by him and one of the things I prefer about him gone is that I have space and privacy again. What do I miss? I miss H's creativity and sense of humor, but those are also things that H had not really shared with me for a long time--so long that I have forgotten them.

H always had something else to do. You know, watching TV reruns, sleeping, working, sleeping more. Despite various pleas for some of his precious golden time, I was somewhere on the priority list after flossing and cutting toenails. I was supposed to jump when H had something to do w/me but H rejected my interests so consistently that after a while I didn't want him around.

What was especially hurtful was that H would do the same things w/other people but not with me--even when I attempted to explain how much it meant to me to do these things together. I was alone so much of the time that in some ways, H leaving didn't make that much of a difference in my life. I realized this after only a day or two of him being gone.

What I recognized, too, is that you do have to love a person the way they want to be loved. I gave practical support; H wanted more emotional support. I felt I gave that as well but H disagreed. With that said, I think H also needed a serious wakeup call to stop the pity party for himself. I am empathetic--the first 20,000 times. H said he made food for me and did things around the house, but I needed emotional support and for me that did involve time together and some activities to distract me from the tragedies going on in our lives.

That said, when it was good, H paid attention to me and made time for me and shared his work (something that bound us) with me and we used to laugh and share activities and fun. I have been waiting a long time for him to let me be part of his life again.

I think that I would have done better to GAL and in many ways I did do a lot of things by myself. But I probably should have gone further with that.

NG, your ? is easy. They make Hs feel good about themselves because Hs get to be the knight in shining armor. We know they are just human. Our love is reality-based because we know the complete person. Also per an article I posted some time ago, H

I think another answer is that they provide H with distraction from his own problems.