The advice from all seems to be consistent- GAL, GAL, GAL. And I'm doing that...it's just those pesky hours between 10:00 PM and 8:00 AM when sleeping should happen where my mind really goes wild, knowing where she is and with whom.
Welcome, Tara---
I hope that this doesn't come off as a plug for the pharmaceutical industry ,with purty flowers and soft lighting and little lambs frisking---but the best thing I did in the early part of my breakup was to put in a hysterical call to my doctor, putting her on notice that I was going to become a hopeless alcoholic if she didn't give me something for the anxiety I was feeling. She prescribed clonazepam, or something like that, and of course I washed it down with---I won't say what...but it did the trick, and I started sleeping, finally.
Do not underestimate the power of sleep. You absolutely MUST have sleep if you're going to get through this. Sleep first, then GAL, if you can. I understand that people do a lot of their problem-solving at night, in their sleep. That's what happened with me, I think. I started to remember my dreams vividly, and they were about aspects of my marriage. Sometimes I'd wake up incredibly refreshed, and sometimes I was haggard just from working and re-working through something painful.
As for affairs, and how long they last, my experience is that they don't last long. But my husband may have an unusually brief attention span. He has had several affairs, and is living with his current girlfriend. From what I can tell, he was passionately in love with her for six or eight months. I don't quite know where they are now, in the course of their love. I do know that this chick could talk the ear off a donkey, and that STBXH likes to sit quietly and read, whenever he is not manic---in which case, he likes to talk about how clever he is, and what a wonderful guitar player, and how many chicks he's scored. So, when I envision an evening spent by these two crooked souls, together, along with the cat and the parakeet and the gerbil, all squawking away, I have to say...karma seems real. I wouldn't quit believing in it, if I were you.
