What I hear you saying is... "I'd like to give into my impulses, and blame it on something else..." instead of you OWNING the fact that you are a sexual woman... but a sexual woman with criteria. And I don't know that you've ever really looked at it that way before, because the man you were married to... required no criteria. kwis?
Actually, I have much more problem with having criteria for "under what circumstances" I might have sex with someone than having criteria for "who" I might have sex with (maybe that's what you meant?) Both the men I've had sex with since my separation were intelligent, attractive, very affectionate, romantic and comfortable with their sexuality. They both had careers with solid "purpose" and actually even hobbies with "purpose" too, cultural and political believes largely in alignment with mine and responsibly maintained households. They both actively pursued dating me and there was nothing in their behavior towards me that was in any way ill-mannered, quite the opposite in fact. If I could pick just one thing that was "wrong" about my relationships with either of them it would simply be the fact that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a relationship at all when I started dating them. I had to get my totally screwed up sexuality back on track before I could even start thinking about a relationship. In the same way I couldn't function much beyond having a pleasant dinner with the first couple guys I dated, I couldn't function very well much beyond the just sexual with either of them. It was like I had to remember "Oh yeah, romance and affection. I like those too." and then "Gee, maybe I'd even like to be in a relationship if that meant I might get sex, romance and affection, maybe even some enjoyable companionship too!" However, I really had to work my way up to that point after crawling out of the cistern of my marriage. I know it boggles the mind but I actually had forgotten that some men actually like to cuddle after sex since previous to Teddy I think my last experience with that was in August of 1987 and the same is true for many other relationship components. Anyway, the point I am trying to make here is that although I may be a bit rusty I think I actually might recall how to act in a "normal" relationship if I make the effort to be in one. Clearly, as a mature adult the first thing one might do is simply openly communicate that you are hoping to form a relationship. However, I absolutely refuse to include the phrase "no games" on my profile. The monkey feels like she might get a rash when she reads that.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
