MC - nervous and need advice

[forward]

Well, got into a R conversation w/H today. I know I am not supposed to but on some level I felt it wasn't too bad of a conversation, even though H is still deep in replay.

-H said I did not express my feelings enough. Said something happened to me after miscarriages and birth of D1.5. (Duh, maybe lack of support contributed to that??) I said that I knew he was off flirting w/OW and that D1.5 and I really needed him them.

I think at C I need to point out that he is not some emotional genius himself (although I would state kindly). H likes to think is emotionally gifted but actually I think he has problems w/anger.

-I told him I tried to tell him the kind of support I needed (having fun and having things to look forward to would have helped me tremendously) and he said that he didn't WANT to do the things I wanted to do that helped me and I said "I know." His unwillingness to do those things is what hurt me but his stubborn insistence was a weird power struggle. It is that kind of thing that has me thinking it is not worth it to have him back. If asking him to take a walk in the woods on my birthday is that big of a deal to him and has to be a power struggle, I'm not sure I need someone like that.

-Not surprisingly, H does not want to look at his role in the situation. Said so outright. MLC.....

-I told him that D1.5 needs to come first, not OW.

-I am going to tell him that he needs to take his paints home. Also am going to tell him he needs to stop doing laundry here and needs to pick up D1.5 at least once a week.

-Sounds like OW quit school to be w/H. And from what I know, she was almost done. (What slavish devotion! How flattering!) Is working 2 jobs. Claims she contributes to expenses (somehow I doubt this, but whatever).

-I told H I know that he likes to "rescue" people and that OW is mentally ill. I know I shouldn't have said that. H claims she has not been institutionalized and he had misunderstood that. Somehow I think that he was probably right the first time--if she wasn't actually institutionalized I suspect it was something similar.

-H said that he is happier w/his job now that he is not w/me (so everything is still my fault). I said I thought that is good as he was very unhappy w/his job.

He may be getting more unhappy with it again when he sees what standard CS is.

-It angers H that I do not pay him much attention when he is here. This is the "wanna be friends" part. I told H that I did not want to be "friends" because I need to move on with my life and I do not want to be emotionally attached to him. I also said (and maybe this was unwise) that I wanted to move on and have a R, too.

-I tried to frame financial discussion in terms of saying that I tried to show I cared by being supportive financially and helping H in a very difficult career. H exploded on that (sensitivity re. salary--oops). Exploded saying that it wasn't as if he didn't work hard, not his fault that profession paid badly, etc. blah blah blah. I said "I am not saying you did not work hard. I am really sorry that your profession does not pay well. I'm sorry that's just the way it is."

That took some wind out of his sails but I am sure he is still brewing and stewing.

That still, however, does not make his lack of income either my fault or my problem.

-Claims he is not off having a good time as I seem to assume and that he feels guilty about me (kind of slipped on that one) and D1.5.





Overall H is still angry but may actually have heard me a tiny bit this time.