Thanks for all of the responses on my previous thread, guys. It's a real PMA booster!
Quoting Abby:Have you taken any Jethro time lately?
Not as much as I need, unfortunately. However, tonight was Jethro's make-up Yoga night. Darn it was tough! Felt like a pretzel.
Quoting LL:in a way I think at times they don't want to show their remorse over what they have done...simply because that is their pain..and at times they may feel they deserve the pain for what they have done...how could they expect you to comfort or understand their pain...and so they don't show it...thus we don't see them being remorseful (ya'd never know I have a bs the way I spell)
does that make any sense???
Yup. I think she might not have shared as much with me about her feelings because I kept telling her that we shouldn't talk about the A so much...blah...blah...blah... And, at the time, I still think it was the right thing. But, now that a couple months have gone by, I think she's okay with talking about it more. She's just tough, LL. There's not a whole lot that can get through her thick skin...or so that's the way it has seemed. She's under the impression that the anxiety attacks are just from her bottling up all those feelings she hasn't let out in years.
There's a slight, yet profound difference in saying: "I'm sorry you're hurting because I had an A." or "I can barely live with myself for having an A." Do you see? She's sorry, but IS SHE SORRY?!?! Semantics? I keep thinking about Lisakate's H and how one day he was driving in the car and had to pull over because he truly realized what he had done and put himself in Lisa's place. I don't think my W has gotten here yet. Awww, geez, I guess I should just shut up about it and let time work for me.
Quoting Lisa:maybe my self-rightousness is getting in my way as i have a hard time believing my h's pain can compare in any way to waht i have been through. but maybe that doesn't even matter. we just have to accept what happened and make a choice to start trying to forgive. i think we are doing that or we wouldn't be here, right???
Lis, I think you hit the nail on the head. I agree that I'm being a bit self righteous. I suppose I need to let go a little more...
Quoting PNT:I think the fact that I wasn't able to let it go for so long is part of the reason why we are separated today.
You are still raw. You want the pain to go away. She probably just wants to forget about the whole thing.
The thing that helped me the most was to not dwell on it.
PNT, I know that I can't dwell on it too much otherwise it will really get in the way of us trying to repair things. Things are still raw, but I'll get through it. Thanks for your insights, PNT.
Quoting jsiena:I am looking for things that work especially when you are separated.
Hey JS, my W and I were never really separated...only emotionally. Sorry I couldn't be more help.
Quoting MAL:I need to see how the "pros" do this so I can get ready (in case OW fog ever lifts).
You flatter me, MAL, but I sure don't consider myself a pro. I hope to see you here soon...
