Where is the time machine?

[mile_high_PMA]

I am really taking one moment at a time. I am really all shaken up since I have finalized my thoughts on D-ing my W. I am moving over here from the MLC forum. If you want you can read the background of my sitch in my last post here:

Standing between D & DB

Last night I was all alone and I sat on the couch, relived all the happy memories with my dear W one year at a time and I cried and let the tears roll. No holding back. I had to do this to prepare myself for this very day that I never thought I would have to see. I just came back from visiting my L and authorized her to proceed with the D. I never thought I can end a relationship like this. But this is the best thing I can do to show that I still love my MLC WAW. I need to let her go and let me get through this crisis so that I can heal myself and my 2 DDs.

Looks like the D papers will be ready in 2 days and I can arrange to have them served on her. I do need some help and guidance from someone who has gone thru this. I was of the idea that its best to give your spouse a notice before she is being served, to avoid shocking her. But my L also advised on not doing it, since she may not show up to accept the papers. I still feel better about proceeding with the first option, have her come to my home and then have the papers served. What do you guys suggest?

All I would really love to have now is a time machine, so that I could roll back the life a few years and I can put to practice all the things I have learnt about R and M since the sitch started. I still love my W and I still want her back in life. I still just don't feel good about serving her the papers, but I realize its time for tough love and to show her that I am a man of my words when it comes to protecting my kids.