I dont know if I am enabling this by continuing sex and threfore he get it from two fo us & why should he return..OR if its good I keep this connection so he will return and feel close?
I think this is a very fair question (and an important one) to be kicking around. If you want my two cents (and I'm not sure you do!), I think that it would be a healthier choice to refrain from sex until he is 110% recommitted to you and the M. Yes it sucks (for both of you), and yes it is a risky choice in terms of working things out, but if H can't respect this decision and it is a deal breaker for him, then I don't think he deserves getting you back (or getting intimacy from you). At this point, I feel like he is simply using you for sex -- he doesn't ever just ask to hang out, go to dinner, a movie, etc, does he? He is jealous of the possibility of you getting it from another man, and I'm sure this is playing a huge role in his current sexual advancements too (he wants assurance that you still want it from him too -- alpha male thing, but also an insecurity thing).
Okay, that being said, I'd like to hear the opinions of much more seasoned DBers, as well as other DBers on the whole (and it would be ideal if they had background knowledge of your sitch). I know you likely can't afford it, but if you could talk to a DB coach about the dynamics of your past and current R/M with H, and then ask this question to them, I think it would benefit you a bunch.
