why don't I listen to my own stories?

[Trixi]

Weekend update- he was here for the whole weekend.

Friday night he got off of work so late, we ended up renting movies and eating in. Saturday, we got a late start and went to a little town about 80 miles away.

On the way up there we had some R talk. He isn't ready to come home but he thinks about it a lot. Feels like he needs to have "more experiences". I bristled at this and he added ""more experiences" could be with you."

He was sort of in a crummy mood but was doing his best to not show it (but I could feel it anyway.) I expressed my frustration in not being able to speak freely and he got a little heated and said "Damn it! I want you to speak freely. Say whatever you want." He also said that I am a "big girl and can make my own decisions" and when I asked him how he meant that he said that he understands that some women would say "F you. I'm done. Get your sh!t together and call." I told him that there were days I felt like that, but for now i was still standing for the marriage. For now. Not forever. I did take the opportunity to tell him what my expectations would be if he did move back in; no more bars-period. (He agreed) Friends over-he would need to help. I would expect to be cherished. I would expect that there would be no more waffling (of course.) I would expect that at least once a month we would go and do something really interesting. That he would be open to taking classes with me.

I did express that as much as I miss him, I have no desire for him to move home if he is confused.

I asked how his parents were doing and he said "they're weird". He has never said that they are weird so I asked him to elaborate. Basically, he said they are older, and set in their ways and judgmental. He knew they were somewhat that way before, but now he can really see it. And he doesn't give a sht what they would think if we get back together.

While we were in this town, there was a scooter store that had the CUTEST scooters. I have been wanting a motorhome for a long time and was trying to figure out how we would sightsee an area without having to give up our campsite. (I had decided that a motorcycle would be a good idea,but then read they weigh too much for the size motorhome I would want.) Anyhoo- the scooter is the ideal compromise. Even my H was really interested. So we ended up talking about them and a motorhome and how to haul them and if there was a way to tow a boat too (yes) etc. It was kinda nice to 'dream' about the future.

He bought something in a pottery store which he put up here at the house. (As opposed to taking it back with him to the apartment.)

He had originally told me he was leaving last night (after dinner) but ended up staying over til this morning.

All in all a good weekend....not so keen on his confusion, though.