Update: I want to Salavage my Marriage

[SDFoundGirl]

Out of your control, sweetie. Let it go. Focus on you and your kids. Make your life great.

Her behavior is not about you, so don't make it about you. Let go. Let her spin and figure her life out.

SD

[Heimlich]

Chris,

Rather than blathering, I'll just say (and I hate Limbaugh -- sorry if that offends), "Ditto SD above".

BD

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hey SD, Heim,

Of course you both are right. It just is really sad how she acts. She stayed out all night last night as well. Looks like she is going to make a week of it. Aside from the fact she is my W, it is hard for me to see any mother act like this. She is also my best friend and I don't want to see her get hurt.

I hope she figures her life out before I go nuts.

Best,
--Chris

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi All,

Well, what a terrible weekend. A lot of acrimony, name calling, and alien spew. W says she married me for all the wrong reasons, she was young and stupid. She says she hates me now and wants a divorce. Wow, it hurts to hear all that.

I really would like to get some counseling for us, but she refuses. Says she does not want to go. I really think things are getting worse, not better.

Perhaps me taking the kids back east for the next couple of weeks will help. I hope she has the time and space to think about her life when we are out of her hair.

--Chris

[Steel_Box]

Man Chris I don't know what to say. Maybe you are right and taking the kids east will be a much needed break for you, and a eye opener for her.

I hope that you can put all of this on the back burner for a little time while you are away. Use the time to rest and recharge.

Good luck and I will check back to see how things progress.

Steel

[SteveInTN]

Yes, the trip back East should be for YOU and the KIDS.

[Heimlich]

Chris,

The time and space goes both ways. Enjoy a little peace and quiet with your kids.

Never fun to hear those hurtful things, and at least my W acknowledged that we were very much in love for a long time, just remember that a lot of what she's saying is justification for her actions today.

Hang in there,

BD

[SuperDad]

Chris,
How is she paying for her early mid-life crisis?

I, after getting sick of my W being able to do whatever she wants on my nickel, cut off her access to all funds. I pay for all household expenses (including her car ins. and gas), but she does not have any money (of mine) to do anything on her own. I am even doing the grocery shopping since I don't want to give her any cash and she cancelled her credit card (I was a secondary card holder on it)?!

Basically, I am just treating her like my teenaged daughter (which is how she is acting). If she wants to take the kids somewhere, she has to ask for some cash. I then decide on a case by case basis. Obviously, if she says, I want to stay out all night partying, the answer whould be HE!! NO!

If nothing else, it clarifies the relationship!

Just an idea, but it sounds like you are enabling her bad behavior.

SD

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi SD,

I am not paying for her. She lives at our house and of course I pay all household related expenses. She does not ask me for money. I suppose she has some left over from her previous job and she is looking for work.


I read your sit and we are remarkably similar. Tragic how both our wives went crazy.

--Chris

[SuperDad]

Tragic how both our wives went crazy.

You know, I don't really regret it right now. I have benefited so much from the wake-up call that I sometimes forget that there is even anything wrong. Of course, you don't necessarily get that from my posts!

Glad to hear that she is at least doing this on her own expense. Have you looked through the DR book for ideas on techniques to use with her? Maybe best is just Do Nothing for a while and see where this leads??

SD