Can we just place ourselves in some DB hologram machine and zap ourselves to each other at once....probably the only thing about StarTrek that impressed me was that machine.
I wanted to be Deana Troy - she hung about being sexy and getting off with all the most attractive men. The woman doctor I didn't take to - and she called her son Wesley!
Always - you rock. Your h must be totally off his head to even consider leaving you. Life has somethig so much better in store for you, I am sure. It is a privilege to have got to know you.
Angelica
He is. He's insane to have let her get away. She's a prize!!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
H has continued to call regularly since the divorce. He called again last Friday night and he was very emotional and very remorseful. He cried a lot, especially about his "babies" (our grandkids) who meant the world to him, pre-MLC. He again told me how much he loved me and regretted all that he had done.
We talked over an hour. While we were talking, OW tried to call him several times. He told me she was trying to call him, but he didn't want to talk to her.
I told him that no doors were shut to him. That even though we were divorced, it was possible we could start slowly with a clean slate. I made it clear, however, that as long as he was with the OW, there was no possibility of us having a relationship. He said he completely understood and respected that.
He has called a few times since then, just nice brief conversations (nothing emotional).
Tonight he called again. He was not emotional, but he wanted to talk about us. He said that he put my picture, and the pictures of our grandkids, on his sunvisor so that he could look at us every day. He again apologized for all that he had done. He again wanted to know how badly he had hurt the kids.
I kept expecting him to get angry, because anger has been a major trait of his MLC, but there was no anger at all.
He said that he was not going to sign the divorce papers because he didn't agree with the fee that my lawyer was charging him. Personally, I think he just doesn't want to sign the papers.
He asked if he could continue to call me. I told him yes.
That is so nice to read. I'm glad you feel good about the call. You should. I find it interesting his wanting to know how badly he hurt the kids. Do you know if he's talked to them about it?
Thanks Grace and Whitelight. I never felt in my heart that H wanted this divorce. I think he needed the sense of finality before he could face up to his reckless behavior and the damage it caused.
H has not talked to the kids yet. He has not seen them since September 2006 and even then it was a brief meeting and very awkward. H was still in the throes of his affair back then and didn't have much of himself left over to give to his family.
It was good that son heard H break down on the phone a couple of weeks ago so that he could hear the true remorse in H's voice. My son said later, "Mom, I know you have told me about Dad breaking down before but I didn't realize how bad it was until I heard it for myself".
So I think there is a chance that son will eventually open a door for H, even if it's just a crack. I don't think my DIL will be that generous toward him. I can understand her position because he did hurt the grandkids badly.
The really sad part is, the grandkids have quit asking about "Papa". These are their formative years and H has not been around for 2+ years. I don't know if there will ever be a place for him in their lives again, but I hope so.
I'm not sure if there will be a place for H in my life either, beyond friendship. I love him (not the MLC monster) and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him. But it will take a long time to rebuild the trust.
I'm not closing the door on H but I'm not putting my life on hold for him either. In the meantime, I'm praying a lot about this so that I will do what God wants me to do.
I'm not sure if there will be a place for H in my life either, beyond friendship.
and this,
Quote:
But it will take a long time to rebuild the trust.
I saw your post late last night and wasn't quite sure what to say. But it was good to see your caution today. To be honest, your post last night had a feel of you getting sucked in.
I know your H has a long way to go. And he really needs to see a shrink (or at least a professional therapist). The other thing I thought (last night) was what your attorney said to you predicting this exact behavior and suggesting that you don't get pulled back in. Attorneys have seen this stuff very often. My BIL is an attorney and it is uncanny how well he can nail a situation. So I was thinking that perhaps you might ask your attorney how to proceed.
I understand your hope and concern for your H, your children and grandchildren. But be careful when people feel they have nowhere else to go, they are perfectly content to go back to the last safe place and not fix a d@mn thing. Your H needs to fix himself before he can even begin to fix anything else. And at his age, that's not an easy thing.
Your H needs professional help.
Good luck, Val. And again, I was glad to see your post today. It clarified a couple concerns in my mind.
