Trying to get WAW back

[DaveJ]

Sara, we have a metal fence with a child proof gate. So there's no way my kids can get in unless an adult has let them in.

[DaveJ]

Ok so what does it mean when the W sends you an IM message with a link to a sexy top and says "do you like this"? I know she wants space and does not want to have sex with me any time soon..... Heck, even nice kisses are banned right now.... A bit confused.... Is this a good thing that she's doing this? Just trying to make contact with me?

[DaveJ]

Ok, talking to W a bit more on IM. Mentioned I can't figure out whether to stay in and have hotdogs for dinner or go somewhere and get something. W invited me over for dinner, but said please don't read anything into it. Guess I'll take what I can get with seeing the kids and some positive times with the W as well can't be bad...

[LL44]

I hate "don't read anything into it". I am guessing you went, because she honestly (in my opinion) wouldn't have asked unless she wanted to see you. She just doesn't want to be cornered, hence the warning. Plus bonus..more kiddo time. Hope you have fun.

[DaveJ]

Yep I had fun with the kids. She wasn't feeling too well. It's nice of her to wanting to see me twice in the same day when I'm not suppose to visit the kids until tomorrow afternoon. When I was leaving she actually said that she really misses me a lot. This is certainly an improvement over her saying she's just missing somebody. I'm just glad she's accepting some of her feelings instead of trying to resist them. Hopefully I'll keep not slipping and things slowly improve. Positive times between us is definitely good for improving things and saving this M. I'll take what I can get right now.

[Dom R]

Hey Dave,

I'm really glad that you're seeing some positive signs from your wife.
I think that I read her original intentions correctly... but it also seems like she might be rethinking her plans a little.

Hoping the best for you

[DaveJ]

Thanks Dom. I hope things continue to progress positively. I know she's just afraid to be vulnerable again and be hurt again. If things continue to go positively hopefully that will ease some of her doubts and allow things to progress for us. She still doesn't quite accept the fact that I have changed just yet. I guess with time she will see that I think, feel, and behave differently than before and this isn't just some last ditch effort that is temporary.

[DaveJ]

So journaling a little. Went to the doctor this morning. They said they don't put you on anti-depressant unless you are depressed for 3 months. Don't really think I need it anyways. Been dealing with things better as everyday go by. Today I actually feel pretty good since all the craziness started. Got some anti-anxiety medication just in case. One of those days will probably come and might as well be prepared to have backup.

Big thing for me Friday night. I found God. It's nice to know there's someone you can fall back on when things are going tough. That has removed a lot of the anxieties and make things a lot easier to feel ok. It's a very nice feeling. And also the side effect of that seems to be the W is slowly becoming more open to me. I guess it was a shock to her since for years I wasn't open to that.

Last night I went and saw the kids. They were behaving pretty bad but that didn't seem to bother either of us too much. W decided that she wants to go to the bookstore. We got some books for the kids and she got me a bible as a present. So that was really nice. When at home I leaned in for a kiss, expecting just a little peck as usual, it ended up she started really kissing me. Got a couple of REALLY nice kisses and then she stopped herself. Guess that is expected.... But it's nice to know that when she is ready the feelings are definitely there. When I was leaving, she said ILY to me. That was a pleasant surprise. I don't expect her to do that all the time but it was nice to hear.

[Sara]

Dave,

I'm happy for you. If she continues on this road, things will go well. She might be amenable to Retrouvaille pretty soon. You could work in the idea of finding God with going to Retrouvaille, because he is really there and working miracles there. Maybe that is the undefinable secret of Retrouvaille.

[DaveJ]

Well, talked to W for just a little bit over IM earlier before she said she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She said she did not sleep well at all last night. A lot of feelings and anxiety went through her and she's trying to figure them out. But she's feeling overwhelmed and confused by them. Apparently they are feelings she didn't have before. I'm assuming those are the burried feelings she has proclaimed she didn't have for me anymore? Thoughts anyone?