Thanks to all. The vacation is a good idea .. maybe I'll send a postcard to H while I'm there!! lol!!
Always, it seems as though my story never ends. Even the divorce has not ended the ride, although it's no longer a roller coaster. It's more like a bus and I am doing the driving these days.
I should have organized my thoughts like Hope did when she wrote about contact from her H. There are a couple of things that I forgot to mention:
H said he has been searching for happiness for the past two years but has not found it. He said he still does not know what he is searching for because he is not happy. However, he said he keeps returning to what he was originally running from (i.e., me).
H said several times that he wished I had "stopped him" a couple of years ago. (Well, I would have if I could have, but how do you stop a runaway train?)
Other things will probably come to mind in the next few days. I will write them as I remember them.
Just wanted to point out that always' post above is so perfectly stated. She is a very intelligent person. I totally agree with what she offered: just live in a way that you can be at peace with later on, because there is nothing you can do to change what is going on with your husband.
That goes for all of us.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I agree that Always has wonderful insight. She is one of my favorite people on the board. I read (and re-read) her posts many times because she has so much to offer.
Your analogy about the bus is a good one. And then eventually it will be more like a canoe. Then, it is a walk in the park. And after that, you chose when to walk up and down the hills and get on and off rollercoasters. Take your time and find your balance.
V, when you started this post with the title "The loopy ride has ended" I didn't have the heart to tell you, but, your still in the middle of it. Fasten your seat belt snug, there's a long way to go and more to come. Hang on.
...It is hard for me to fathom that some people (like the OP's) have no conscience and no morals. Our spouses seem to lose their compass when they get involved with these types of people, MLC notwithstanding. I truly believe that God will make these people accountable, but it will be on his timetable and not ours...
Val, I am so very sorry. I started to tear up as I read your thread.
I have to say that your observance above is something I have heard over and over again and experienced it firsthand with my W and her GF. My W has lost her way and her GF has no moral or conscience. Eventually, your H and my W will realize what bad choices they made. I hope that if your H does realize it is truly not too late.
I understand though if it is. My thoughts and prayers are with you Val.
mmf
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Valeria - I agree about Always' postings - she has been through so much, and retains her grace ad poise.
I found your h's remark about 'stopping' him so interesting. This chimes so well with what a very shrewd friend of mine has said several times. That there is a bit of my h that wishes I would just march in and 'rescue' him from the OW. But of course that is a part of their fantasy. As you say, in practice it is a runaway train, and yes a bit of them does not like the ride, and wants to be rescued, but as we all know, they bitterly resent any attempt, in reality, to rescue them. And even if we could, there is the view that they 'have' to go through this process.
I love you ladies, too!!!! I cannot tell you how much your words and insight have saved me on many low days when I couldn't see 2 inches in front of my face. We've all been through horrific circumstances for so long, that we have insight now looking back.
Val - I would bet your H wishes you would have "saved" him from himself. But, that's not life, as he was also kicking and screaming that he wanted to live his life. My H recently told a friend that if I loved him and wanted the M, I would have come to him begging (this after he told me not to speak to him).
There is a limit to everything.
A friend of mine, psychiatrist, said this weekend to me....that I shouldn't hate H or think he was a jerk, b/c he was going through a mental illness/chemical alteration (drugs)....but, it also wasn't my job to help or save him. She said "let that be someone elses job, or his own, to get himself through this. It's not yours anymore, even if he does call you in a bad state."
Always - you rock. Your h must be totally off his head to even consider leaving you. Life has somethig so much better in store for you, I am sure. It is a privilege to have got to know you.
