You aren't going to get those answers from me... and I never said anything about taking drugs. Ask a shrink. They will give you the answers to those latest questions.
Ok CeMar...he we go again for the zillionth time! Write this down somewhere this time please.
Quote:
Just exactly how can the pain be stopped? I really have no desire to take any drugs. If lack of affection is the CAUSE of my problems, how is the shrink going to change that?
NO ONE ever said that just because you see a shrink that you will be put on drugs...a shrink isn't just going to dole pills out willy-nilly. If they are prescribed it's because you need them...and a shrink would have to have recognized something in you that was imbalanced. There's a good chance no drugs would be prescribed...are you afraid they would tell you you need some? There is no shame in taking meds if a shrink finds a medically sound reason for you needing them.
But beyond meds shrinks TALK to you, and get this....they expect you to talk back, open yourself up about your feelings, get down into your emotions and dredge up stuff that actually does affect how you interact with your wife, how you come across to your wife...bla, bla, bla, bla. They HELP YOU, and they help you learn to help yourself, they help you learn MANY things that you may not even realize about yourself...are you afraid of what they may find?
You will never know how they can help you though until you get off your azz, make and appointment and find out for yourself. Gonna do that...or not? If not, then in my mind you will be proving absolutely that YOU are not willing to help yourself or your marriage (whether you choose to see a shrink or a licensed therapist). So I guess what I'm saying is...I understand you are in pain, I get that...I really do...but put up or shut up. Do SOMETHING to help your situation and yourself...or quit bitching about it. Honestly it's really pretty simple...nothing is going to change one whit, unless you decide to do SOMETHING.
You're a religious man CeMar, so you should be oh-so-familiar with this phrase "The Lord helps those who help themselves"....so, what are YOU going to do to help yourself? Doing nothing is not helping. It hasn't helped in the 3 years you've been on here. Do you want to find yourself in this same spot in three more years, 10 more years...15?
Something blackfoot said to you over on Mojo's thread got me thinking...
I would describe 'arousal' as a physical sensation, whereas I would describe 'desire' as an emotional feeling. You can experience those two things together, or independently. Often, one can trigger another.
I think your emotional desire for affection/emotional closeness with your wife triggers in you physical arousal (or, it could, if that all took place).
When I was LD, I experienced impulses of arousal... and when I did, I MB'd. It satisfied the physical hunger, so to speak.
The reason my emotional desire to share my physical arousal with my xH was absent or very low, was because we could not find a way to forge emotional connection. The vulnerability experienced from an emotional connection is what creates intimacy during sex.
Otherwise, it's just fcking. There is nothing wrong with fcking, btw, but it isn't necessarily emotionally satisfying.
A lot of women say that they want romance or romantic sex. I believe that is Woman Speak for "I want to emotionally connect with you," for often, when you are having a 'romantic' dinner, you are forging EC. If you don't, you think of the 'romantic effort,' as a bust.
So. Let me throw something at you, and see if this makes any sense to you. Take a look at the EQ for Everybody site.
I think if you get really good at that, if you raise your EQ... things will start changing for you. You will create a win/win environment for both you and your W.
I guess I have referred to a "first" wife. I never intended for that to make it sound like I have multiple marriages. What I am referring to is ONE woman, who has been the HD personality type, and is now the LD personality type. One person with efectively 2 different personalities. Going from HD to LD is not just about sex, it COMPLETELY changes a woman, like they are 2 different women.
One marriage, same woman for 19 years. 2 VERY different personalities sharing the same body, just not at the same time. I see her as my HD wife (#1) and as my LD wife (#2). 2 years of # 1, 17 years of #2.
First, I am havin gtrouble finding "No More Mr. Nice Guy". My library does not have it and the Barnes and Noble does not carry it in the store. Any other bookstore chain carry it?
Second, I read some notes about the book, and it makes it clear that men can suck all the life out of women, and I believe this happens between me and my wife, after having the whopping sex 10 times a year. My goal would be to up the sex to 150-200 times a year (I know, my fantasy world), so how can a man achieve this without sucking the life out of the woman? It would seem to me that any sex life that carries the emotional connection requirement would ALWAYS drain a LD woman.
Cemar you will not suck the life out of a woman if you don't use sex with her too fill up parts that may feel lacking in you or as a place to dump life stresses. If instead you give love through having sex, if you fill her up with more than your cock then you won't be taking anything away, you'll be giving.
