Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW? 5

[Heimlich]

Thanks, everyone, taking a mental health day. Been needing one for a few weeks, a short breather before diving back in to a shiteload of deadlines that are looming.

Plus, need to finish straightening this place up. Nearly there. Think I'm going antiquing up New Oxford/Gettysburg way this weekend, see if I can find some older barstools/nightstand/bookcase/prints. Never know when you'll find an inexpensive table either.

Weekend went pretty well, watched the Muppet movie with the girls Friday night. Did try a new Chinese restaurant that my oldest wanted to try, wasn't all that great, back to the Great Wall for the future. Got up early Saturday morning and went to a community yardsale with my bf and his W (also a good friend) and their two kids. Found a TV stand for 15 bucks. Not what I want, but at least gets the TV off of the floor and I can put it in the kitchen as a microwave stand once I find a decent piece of furniture (What's wrong with Ikea, WAW? -- other than that it's pseudo college type furniture). Kids played at their house while the adults chatted, had lunch (Five Guys, mmmmm), then made it back just at the bed guys were pulling up. Got the bed installed, then decided to walk to the petstore (they want fish for their room) and looked in the home store for lamps (found one). Stopped in the game store (bought two games to play with D9 for the xbox, sweet!) then Giant. (My youngest is sad, gave her two bags, one iwth a bag of chips, the other with something slightly heavier. I've never heard such whining.) Oldest was good, she was helpful and trying to be nice to D5 (not always successfully, but trying). Late in the afternoon, around 5 or so, D9 started getting very withdrawn. Tried to get her to talk to me, said she was missing mama. TOld her I know, that's fine, I know this is confusing and scary for you and casey but that mama and daddy love you both very much. Asked if she wanted to stay with mama, she just shrugged. Told her to call her mama, she did and talked to her for a while. Don't know what W said, but lauren was much more relaxed after. Funny, really realized over the weekend that she's developing her own distinctive sense of humor and personality -- it's a little sarcastic like mine. Odd to see yourself mirrored that way, but kind of sweet too. At any rate, after that, she helped me get dinner together. After dinner, decided to go out and buy a lamp that they both liked for their room -- and I found a duvet cover. Huzzah! Went to Target after for a few other things. Ran into friends of the girls and parents at both Giant and Target. Got "the look" of sympathy like I was a wild horse in need of soothing from both mothers. "How are you" from both said "i'm doing fine, just getting some stuff for my apartment."

Lauren was really very sweet that evening. Apologized for hurting my feelings and said that she was having a good time, but just missed mama. Can't remember what I said, something about this is a hard time for all of us and maybe this is the way things will always be and maybe not, but that we both love you.

Sunday got up, played Rayman (Rabbits or some such, really funny game) with Lauren and colored with Casey. Brought them back to the house around 2 so taht I could dismantle my desk and get it over here.

Wasn't in the best of moods, so was a little short with W. Caught myself, apologized, said that i'm a little tired and know that you don't like having me around so i'm trying to get out of here. Thanked her for talking to lauren the night before. Told her a little about our time together. Asked her if she went to annapolis by herself. She got a little snippy, 'yes.' Said that I meant did you go with one of the ladies in the neighborhood, not anything else. Said she just went to walk around and look at the water/watch the boats, "I need to relax or I'm going to die before I'm 50." (A quote, she has always been highly strung. I think she has actually learned to relax a little by being with me). Told her, that's not fair, you finally start to drink beer, like to sit and just watch the water and now you decide that you don't want to be with me. Said it in a joking tone of voice and she kindof laughed.

Realized that I needed a screwdriver (at my apt) to take the desk apart, so gathered some misc stuff and brought it over. W volunteered to help, so we all went over. She checked out the girls' room, my bed, the apt. She said looks like it's coming along ok.

Anyway, took them back, loaded my desk up and got it put together, brought the van back and told everyone good night. Instead of lingering for a hug from W, just left.

Watched that god-awful Chargers/Pats game (well, some of it, fell asleep at some point during -- even the HD wasn't good enough to keep me up for it).

Got an unneccesary email from the W this morning about the paper. Something she could have told me when she picks the girls up this afternoon. We'll see if that keeps up.

Feel a little odd. Haven't been here long enough to have this place feel like home, but it's getting there. Will finish straightening after i post this. Not being in the house is a huge relief. Seeing her and not being able to, don't know how to say, but "be in love with her" if that makes sense was really starting to eat at me. I think that was part of the reason last week was so tough on me. I know that we both need space away from each other. I know that rationally there is no reason for me to be in love with her, still, I am. I need to think through if she can give me what i want/need in a R. I think so, but I don't really know. We've never been a perfect fit if you looked at likes/dislikes, etc, but we did just fit together really well and without effort. Anyway, I need to sit back and reassess what I want out of life. Going to be an interesting journey. Tired of just drifting through life, which i had been for 3 or 4 years.

So, thanks for everyone's support. It does mean the world to me.

You will miss her like you never imagined. You will not be able to interact with her in person daily. Also one thing to watch out for is bottling up all you frustrations and then spewing them all over her in a verbal vomit when you do get to see her in person.

Nugget, I see what you're saying, but the reverse is true for me. It's easier to not see her all of the time, at least for now, because acting 'as if' was becoming too hard. I will see her just about every day as we hand off the girls, so DBing opportunities will be present throughout the week. Going to try to take care of the frustrations with gym and a return to dance class.

Tell you what, I will mark your thread for email postings so if you need someone to get back to you immediately cuz your about to freak, I will be there, deal?

Thanks, CVA. I hope I don't need you like that, but it's a hellofagood thing to know is there. Now, go buy a bed!

Matt,
Man, the Saints are killing me. At least up here I didn't have to watch it. on the plus side, my fantasy teams both won. I don't know of it's right or wrong for you to move out, but it might be. I'll drop you a line about that drink. Yep, still in Germantown, off of Father Hurley now. If you believe in signs, the broken ring is one. I always took mine off to work out, hurt too much to keep it on.

Bar,

The bunk with Dis is still open. Anytime.

"brilliant new life". I quite like that, bar. It is going to be brilliant.

WAW,
Just remember, you're entitled to that stuff in the house too. I, too, hate furniture in a box. Going to see what I can find, but I do like some of the Ikea TV stands (decided not to hang the TV).

Steel,
Little odd being in my place, but other than my normal lethargy in putting things in place, it's not bad. Trying to figure out where to put stuff is slowing me down. That said, time to get that done. Hoping the Saints look good in HD next Monday. If not, season is most likely over for them -- and that would stink.

Onward and upward,

BD