OK, now I'm even more confused. With your H you didn't get the things NG is now giving you, and back when you were married, you would have given anything to have those things, but now that you do have them you don't want them? You seem to have a good understanding of chemical rush effects, you seem to be keeping your wants and needs in perspective, yet you can't handle the feeling of having a crush? What is it that you want? What more could you ask from a guy? What's wrong with getting turned on by seeing his artwork? I'm completely baffled by this.
