All hope is lost/help

[cat03]

I know I should look at the positives of what he has done over the weekend, like the housework and decorating and looking after the boys. But I do it all as a matter of course everyday. Am i been unreasonable and unfair?

I have asked him today if he will bath boys and put them to bed when he has an early finish from work ( once a week, but its a start, its a plan). He said he will!!!

It's a tough one, to overlook what they didnt' do and to praise for what they do do. The more positive reinforcement you give the more he'll give--I also have a hard time with that, and my H's only job is to take trash out and wash dishes 1-2x a week. Do I do much more? yes, but if Iwant him to keep helping I must look at what's there vs what isn't.
I think my H has given a bath to the kids once in his lifetime, so, really, give your H brownie points for being so helpful.

How much housework do the girls do? are his complaints valid?

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H has said he will let me stay in the house for 6 months and he will still pay the bills...I would be making things difficult for myself if i stopped him collecting the boys in the mornings
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So he's already making plans to leave? as far as the kids, there is no reason he can't still take the boys to school. When my H left and got an appt 24miles from me, I told him that the kids weren't going to get screwed because of him, that he still was expected to come and watch them 'til I get home from work (as was the daily rutine). Was it too far for him? yes it was, terribly inconvenient? you bet, did he whine about it? yes, but it was HIS decision to leave, so he'd have to deal with that.

As far as being well emotionally, once you make your plan B you tell yourself that you CAN go on without him you must claim your independence. Is it very hard to be separated? yes, but it doesn't have to be excrutiating while the other S is away. Counceling helped me lots and concentrating on me and kids helped lots.

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but I don't feel connected to him, I feel really lonely
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On bad days, I guess I could describe myself like you feel on the above sentence. But I rather not accentuate the negatives, fortune telling is bound to make you feel the way you think e.i "this isn't working, there is gap between us" etc etc.

I know this is hard and it hurts so much not to have a "normal" R (is there such a thing?) But it's the way we react to what life throws at as that make each day count.

I can either think that when my H doesn't come he is either 1)going to court and stuck doing paperwork and trust him or 2)believe he's spending the night with op
and make myself a nervous wreck.
He's destroyed every bit of trust I got in him, but in order to move forward and tear down paralizing fear I have to think the best, and if indeed, he's with op, then who's the looser? me or him? do I loose much if this man, after yet again promising to stay with me (goes to T and all) lies to me again? He knows that if there is any contact with her or other woman I'll divorce him. So I've made my decision, and if the worst happens I'll walk away knowing that I gave it my best shot-- gave him 2 chances and he blew it--and understand he isn't worth my time.

Love yourself for who you are and not for what your H thinks of you. Find your independence again and remember who you were before him.

Positive reads change the tracks your mind makes, you can let Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) and let them eat you, or you can train your mind to take you somewhere constructive. It has helped me tremendously to learn that I can channel my thoughts in positive pathways so that I dont' dwell in misery and beat myself up thinking of the past or thinking of the "what ifs"

A beautiful book about anger, forgiveness, trust and coping is "The wounded woman" by Steve Stephens and Pam Vredevelt, it helps me lots now, because we all have our down times from time to time and we need some encouragment