WAW1978-Part 4

[Steel_Box]

Hey WAW,
Sorry it's so tough right now. I was reading through and understand how it is tough to be in your sitch. I seem to find myself on the opposite side of the coin. I don't know if it will give you any insight into what he is thinking but I'll try to explain a little of how I am and maybe something will spark an idea for you.

There was a point where I went through the house and took down all pictures of her. It hurt to see them, and I also told myself that if she wasn't going to be around then there was no need to have reminders. As we stand now my W is making attempts to work on our R.

Now that she is back on board so to speak it seems more difficult for me to be patient and detached. It is almost as if I am looking at things from a pespective of "you said you want to work on this... then start working. I've done my part for a while and now its your turn to feel lost and in the dark!" I also catch myself thinking that she should be moving down the path faster. Intellectually I know that it was a long road downhill before she dropped the bomb, but emotionally it was a very fast turnaround, and I guess I expect her reversal to be just as fast. Now don't get me wrong, I know without question that this is the wrong attitude to have, and I don't consciously think this way. It seems to me that all of the hurt and doubt, and resentment that I suppressed in the beginning in order to DB has found a dark corner in my subconsious to hide and lobb out gernades. I want things to work, I wouldn't be here and done the things I have if I didn't, but I feel like we have reversed roles and now as she comes towards me - I back up. Maybe it is a fear that I don't want to put myself in a position where I am vulnerable of being hurt by her again. Maybe I am testing her to see if she truly wants this, or if it is just comfortable or convienent. I really don't know.

I know that I am confused by the fact that as hard as I worked to fix my issues and prepare myself for a better life, while she attempts to work with me on our R & M, I am less interested.

Is it possible that he is doing something along these lines. Being defense or spiteful simply as an armour to prevent himself from being hurt?